Where Is My Mind?
by ChloeTheBearx
Summary: 5 years from the present point in the series.  Something happened to Eli that changed him.  Can he be saved?  Summary isn't great, give it a chance!
1. Chapter 1

_I've been through a lot this past week and got a bit unmotivated for the other story. I wasn't feeling so fluffy. So this is what came of it. It's set about 5 years from the current point in the show, 4 years from when Eli would have graduated. I know it's short, but it's kind of setting the pace. Let me know what you think, your lovely reviews will really motivate me to keep going! _

I moaned in my half-asleep state as I rolled over.

I felt warm flesh against me, but thought nothing of it.

In fact, it was more of a nuisance than anything.

Now I had to figure out how to make her leave.

It was just a hassle, really.

Upon my skin coming into contact with hers, the naked blonde lying next to me stirred, waking up only moments later.

"Morning," she murmured, smiling lazily at me.

I opened my eyes, glanced her over for a moment, but then closed my eyes again.

"It's not morning," I said simply, knowing it was well into the day by the way the light poured into my apartment.

"Oh, shit," she whined, "I'm late for class."

"Where, beauty school?" I mumbled, sighing and rolling over to my original position once more.

"Don't be a dick," she said bitterly, pulling the blanket from around me as she stood.

I sat up to pull it back, nearly glaring at her. "You didn't seem to care much last night."

"You're awful," she whined.

I never understood why in the hell girls thought whining was an effective way in getting what they want.

I missed being able to rely on her independence and no-nonsense attitude.

I missed the fact that she could read beyond a second grade reading level, and could hold a conversation that meant something.

I missed the way that when we slept together we made love. We didn't fuck.

And it meant something.

It meant everything.

I missed the feeling of her, the safety I felt when I was with her, and those heartbreakingly beautiful blue eyes.

I missed my Clare.

As the door slammed behind the stripper I had shared my bed with the night before, I really fucking hated myself.

I had the most perfect thing in the world, and I had fucked it up beyond repair.

Through the rest of our high school careers, Clare and I had been together.

I loved her more than I'd ever loved anything or anyone. Ever.

She was my everything, and I would have done anything for her.

I would have died just to ensure she wasn't in the slightest bit of harm.

I guess, in a way, that's exactly what I did.

I didn't die physically, but I was damn near dead on the inside.

After what happened, I knew I would spiral out of control.

I didn't know what I'd put her through in the process.

And it killed me to think that I would hurt her in any way.

So I left.

I didn't leave with her any kind of logical explanation.

Nothing logical was going on in my mind at that point.

Looking back, I knew what an idiot I had been.

A big fucking idiot.

And now I would never see her again.


	2. Chapter 2

_I realize that this one is waaay too short to be any kind of a decent update, which is why I'm uploading the next chapter in just a few minutes. I just thought they would be better separately, no weird time jumps or anything. Let me know what you're thinking of the story!_

After finally dragging myself out of bed, I looked into the mirror.

I looked like hell.

But that was really nothing new.

I rarely shaved anymore, my hair was tangled and unkempt, just a little longer than its length when I was in school, and my clothes were mostly ripped up and grungy.

I looked at the clock on the wall, and saw that it was four forty-five in the afternoon.

My shift at work started in fifteen minutes.

In my closet I found one of the only decent outfits I kept for work.

Unfortunately, I actually had to look like I somewhat cared about my appearance in the form of wearing a suit.

I worked at a casino in Las Vegas as a blackjack dealer.

My move to Vegas occurred somewhere around a year after I left.

I spent some time travelling around Canada, and ventured across into the States.

I found the city to be everything I thought I myself to be.

Vegas was dingy, and sketchy. It was full of fuck-ups and low-lifes.

I fit in well here.

After getting dressed and pulling my hair back to a hasty ponytail, I saw that it was ten minutes to my shift.

I opened my dresser, and pulled out a pipe and a bag of weed; I could hardly get through a few hours sober, much less a day.

This was why I never kept a job for more than six months.

I never gave a shit.

After loading the pipe, I lit up and took a long, hard hit.

The burn in my chest was so familiar, and in a way it was comforting, because of the feelings I knew would soon follow.

I sat on my bed as I finished off the bowl.

And with just three minutes to five, I was out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

_Just as promised, this chapter is up too (: I've had this story on my mind for quite a while, and I'm stoked to be posting it. Let me know what you think of it thus far, your reviews are appreciated, lovelies!_

"_Wow, really, Clare? That's the greatest present anyone has ever given me! It's so exciting, so adventurous, so…unlike you."_

"_Well thanks, Alli. I love you too."_

"_Oh, Clare-bear, you know what I mean. It's just, instead of a simple party, a whole bachelorette _trip_! And to Las fucking Vegas!"_

_She squealed and threw her arms around me into a suffocating hold._

_I laughed and hugged her back._

"_It's the least I can do for my best friend. Congratulations, Alli."_

Alli was getting married in a week and a half.

We had just landed in "the fabulous" Las Vegas and were in a cab on our way to the hotel for our weeklong stay.

All of the girls in the car were looking at the bright lights passing us by, and I'm sure the other car of our friends looked exactly the same way.

All of the bridesmaids had helped me plan the trip, though it was a present from me for the most part.

"You're the best maid of honor ever," Alli breathed as her eyes were taking in everything around us.

I just laughed, and gave her hand a squeeze.

"For real. I know who I'm picking when the time comes for me," Jenna said from the other side of me.

She and KC had gotten back together in high school and had stayed that way ever since, but hadn't really spoken much of marriage. It was only a matter of time, really.

"Well you'd better wait at least a decade before that time comes, because I have a feeling it will take that long for my wallet to recover from this," I teased, sighing and relaxing back in the seat.

The city was exciting for me, no doubt about it. But I was ready to just soak it all in as it came.

We arrived at The Palms, the hotel in which we would be staying, and all got out of the car.

As everyone gushed over how gorgeous the resort was and how exciting the city was already turning out to be, I started unloading the bags from the trunk.

The taxi drivers were the only other ones helping, but that was fine by me.

I wanted Alli to have the time of her life, I didn't mind ironing out all of the minor details.

I tipped both of the drivers and was left standing next to the heaps of bags around me.

"Clare, what's wrong?" Alli asked sternly, noticing my apparent lack of excitement.

"Nothing's wrong, sweetie," I said smiling brightly at her. "Let's get up to the room!"

Our room was one of the hotel's specialty bachelorette-party suites.

Everything was pink and plush and beautiful.

On the table in the center of the room was a gorgeous bouquet of white and red roses with a card that read "Congratulations!" in gold writing.

Recently, with all of Alli's wedding talk, love had been on my mind a lot.

And it was really getting to me.

It had been five years to the month since Eli had left.

I know, five years is a long time to get over someone.

But leave it to "Saint Clare" to be a hung up old maid.

Of course I had been in other relationships, but none of them lasted.

I'd never felt for anyone the way I felt for Eli.

He had been everything to me, and I really saw us as forever.

But obviously I had been mistaken, and now I would never see him again.

As Alli made her way over to me, I knew I needed to put on a smile for her.

I needed to make this trip the time of her life.

"Clare this is wonderful! You're the greatest! I owe my life to you! You're an angel!"

I laughed as she pulled me into a hug and continued rambling quickly, her voice becoming higher pitched with every sentence.

"It's the least I could do for such a wonderful friend."

"Anyone ready to party?" one of the girls nearly screamed, drawing squeals of excitement from nearly everyone.

"Oh no, not so fast," Alli said, a hand now upon her hip. "We need to get pretty first!" she giggled as she earned six different looks of confusion.

Everyone rushed off into the restrooms, straightening and curling irons plugged in and make up strewn about everywhere.

Dresses and mini skirts were tossed about and the smells of hairspray and perfume nearly made me gag.

I elected to get ready in one of the bedrooms, out of the way.

I looked through the clothes I had already hung up and held a few things in front of myself, deciding finally on a simple black dress that "showed just enough cleavage and just enough leg to be sexy but still classy", as Alli had told me when I bought it.

My hair was already falling around my face in its natural curl, still the same length that I had cut it in high school. I was a creature of habit.

I kept my make up simple, applying a fair shade of powder and a tinge of eye liner, only being bold with the bright red lipstick I applied to my lips.

I completed the look by borrowing a dark teal pair of Alli's heels.

When I emerged from the room, no one was anywhere near ready.

"I'm going-"

My soft voice couldn't be heard over the yelling and giggling.

"Alli! I'm going-"

"You're leaving, Clare? " she yelled back, confused.

"No! I'm just going to go downstairs. I want to check out the rest of the hotel," I nearly screamed to be heard.

"Oh, okay! Catch up with you later!"

It made me happy to see her all smiles.

She had her fair share of let downs in the love department.

Guys usually took advantage of her and didn't care one bit about how she felt.

But Dave was different; he had always been sincere in his feelings for her.

It took until college for her to realize he was just what she needed.

I knew they would be happy together, and I was happy for her.

But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous.

After leaving the loud room, I made my way to the elevator and took it all the way down.

The casino was the loudest, and obviously the most popular attraction of the hotel.

I decided to avoid it at first.

There were lounges, which were already bouncing with nightlife.

Restaurants that looked as if people made reservations a year in advance.

A large gift shop sat at the entrance, people hurriedly shuffling through.

I walked around to examine each attraction, but soon grew bored.

I looked at the casino, debating.

It was so loud and energetic.

It was appealing, but not really my style.

However, this was Las Vegas, and you only live once.

I took a deep breath and walked in.

I walked by the slot machines, and stopped and played for a moment.

After losing all of my change, I moved on.

I walked by a poker table and saw the distress on many of the player's faces.

Next came the blackjack tables.

They were definitely the most packed, people waiting in line to get a seat.

I watched the people playing, many of them seeming the same type.

I looked up toward the dealers.

They seemed the same type as well.

They all wore suits of black with red ties, and looked pretty well put together.

Except for one.

My eyes fell upon him and my jaw dropped.

That face looked so familiar, yet so foreign.

He was scruffy, like I had never seen him before.

His hair looked almost the same, but it was tangled and pulled back loosely.

His eyes, his eyes were what ensured me, without a doubt in my mind, that it was him.

They were gorgeous, as they had always been.

Enough to melt my heart.

But they were tired, and sad.

I wanted to step closer, but my feet wouldn't allow me.

The game at his table had come to a pause, and he glanced up.

His eyes locked on mine.

"E-Eli?" I nearly breathed.

"Clare."

I saw his lips form my name.

My heart stopped.


	4. Chapter 4

_I'm so glad to see your feedback, it really keeps me going! So thank you for that. There is still a lot that needs to be brought to attention between these two, and things are going to look down before they can ever have a chance at looking up. So please don't get frustrated with me! My updates will come faster if I get lots of reviews!_

I almost had a heart attack right then and there.

Clare fucking Edwards.

Right there in front of me.

She stood still for a moment, and I took in how absolutely beautiful she was.

I had always thought she had been the most beautiful girl in the world.

But now, she had only become more devastatingly gorgeous.

Rather than walking towards me, she suddenly turned and began to walk away.

My heart sank.

I couldn't stand the sight of her walking away, leaving me there.

There was still a pause in the game at my table as the players switched, so I nearly ran out from behind it to catch up with her.

"Clare!"

She kept walking, a little quicker at that.

"Clare, wait! Please…"

Just as I was about to reach out to her, she suddenly spun around to look at me.

Her eyes were red, and I could see tears forming in the corners.

It was enough to break my heart.

I was hoping she would say something first, but after a few agonizing moments of silence she only crossed her arms over her chest and looked away from me.

"Clare, I-"

"Goldsworthy! What the hell are you doing? Get back to your table!"

I turned and saw a very angry looking fellow dealer.

"Yeah, just a minute, Jack," I called.

I looked at Clare pleadingly.

"Please… please, Clare, just talk to me."

"You have to get back to work," she said bitterly, her eyes cold as she looked up at me.

"Clare, I'm begging you," I said quietly. I heard my voice break.

I took her hand, and held it in mine.

She didn't pull it back; there was some home.

Her features softened as her gaze penetrated mine.

"Okay," she whispered.

"You can sit at the table and I won't make you play," I said gently as I led her back to my spot, not wanting to upset her any further.

"How long will I have to wait for you?" she asked simply.

"I-I don't know. If it gets too late, or…or if you change your mind, you can leave."

"I know," she whispered, her eyes never leaving the ground.

"Clare?" I asked as I took my place behind the table and she sat in the seat at the end of the table.

"Yes, Eli?" She looked up at me, and I knew that expression. Well.

She wanted to be mad, but I was getting to her.

I knew she'd stay with me and hear me out.

"Thanks."

A few people took their seats and I dealt them their cards, but my mind wasn't really in it.

Instead, all I could think about was everything I needed, and wanted, to say to her.

I owed her so much that I couldn't give her.

Jack, a dealer who I knew hated me, must have reported my leaving the table and my current lack of focus to a manager, because I was soon approached.

"I'm going to take over here," he said scruffily, with no explanation. "You're going to tend the bar."

Without a word, I left the spot, motioned for Clare to follow me, and led her to the bar.

There were several bartenders working that night, none of which cared for my help, so they left me to getting beers from the cooler as needed.

As Clare took a seat at the end of the bar, she ordered a glass of wine.

She sipped it silently as I stood across from her

"So…" she whispered, tapping her finger on the bar top.

"So…" I echoed. "What brings you to Vegas?"

I froze, not knowing how to begin. Bullshit small talk seemed to be easiest.

"I surprised Alli, she's getting married in two weeks so I surprised her with a bachelorette week."

"That's really great of you, Clare," I said with a small, forced smile.

She was so sincere, so whole-heartedly, unconditionally kind.

"Do I know the groom?" I asked, feeling stupid for carrying on with such a petty conversation when there was so much that needed to be said.

"Yeah, actually," she said with a small nod. "Dave Turner."

"Wow," I said quietly.

"Yep," she said, taking another drink of her wine.

I cleared my throat nervously, despising these awkward silences.

"Well?" she asked suddenly, staring at me with pure intensity.

"Well what?" I asked, nervousness growing.

"What brought you to Vegas?"

"Clare, you know why I-"

"Yeah, I know that. But why Vegas, of all places?"

"Well… I don't know."

I crossed my arms over my chest, looking down in thought.

One of the many things I owed her was an explanation.

But I couldn't muster the strength to give her the one she deserved.

"It just… Seemed like a good fit."

"Yeah, I do kind of get the impression that there are quite a few inconsiderate assholes here," she said harshly.

It was like someone punched me in the stomach.

The look in her eyes wasn't sad anymore. It wasn't scared.

It was a look of pure hate.

"I know, I completely deserve that, but Clare,"

"But what? I understand that you had a lot to deal with, Eli. But did you ever think that maybe I could have helped you through it? Or Adam? You know, it wasn't exactly easy for him, either, when you left."

I knew it was completely selfish, what I'd done by leaving.

"I know, Clare. I know. When everything happened, I… I wasn't thinking straight. I was far from logical, and I couldn't trust myself. I realized all of this a long time ago, but it was a little too late."

"No. You know what? That's the biggest piece of shit I've ever heard. If you're blaming how you acted on temporary insanity, so be it. But when you realized you were wrong, why in the hell wouldn't you have come back? Or called? Or… or anything! You left me, Eli. You don't know how much that hurt. How much it still hurts damn near every day."

I hardly ever heard her curse, so it was startling to me.

Her voice was shaky, and small tears fell from her eyes.

"Five years, Eli. You were the only one I could trust. The only one I counted on. I loved you with everything in me. And you were gone just like that."

"Clare,"

"No, Eli. I… I just can't handle this right now."

She stood up and within seconds was out of my sight.


	5. Chapter 5

_I just watched Umbrella pt. 2, and the end absolutely melted my heart. I love these two. Have that to thank for this update! I wanted to save my next chapter for tomorrow, so I decided to take today's update and put it into Clare's point of view. Hope you like it! Keep the reviews coming, dears!_

I didn't know what to do.

Eli Goldsworthy.

Staring straight back at me.

What in the hell was I supposed to do?

Part of me wanted to stay; sure he had left me without so much as a goodbye, but I loved him so much.

I still loved him, no matter how much I didn't want to.

But the other part of me was smarter than that, and that part told me to turn around and never look back.

Like he had done.

So I turned around and walked quickly toward the exit.

My heartbeat quickened when I heard him call my name.

But I stayed strong, only picking up speed as I walked away.

But when he called my name again, his voice was sad and pleading.

I couldn't handle hearing that sadness in his voice, no matter how much I knew he deserved it.

As I turned around, my strength withering as I felt tears quickly coming to my eyes.

I fought as hard as I could to keep them in.

Staring up at him, I refused to break first.

I had nothing to say to him, I told myself.

He was the one with explaining to do.

"Clare, I-"

"Goldsworthy! What the hell are you doing? Get back to your table!" a big, intimidating looking employee of the casino interrupted him.

"Yeah, just a minute, Jack," he answered, turning briefly to look at the man.

He looked back to me, his face pained.

I had to stay strong. I could not break.

I would not let him get the best of me.

"Please… please, Clare, just talk to me."

"You have to get back to work," I answered with as much coldness as I could muster, glaring hard at him.

I had to stay strong.

I repeated it in my mind over and over.

"Clare, I'm begging you," he nearly breathed.

His voice broke in the most heart wrenching way.

He reached out and took my hand, and they fit perfectly together, just like always.

I couldn't bring myself to pull back, finding it harder and harder to say no to him.

I let my emotions get the best of me, and my gaze was softer as I continued to look into his sad eyes.

"Okay," I agreed in a voice so soft I wasn't sure he even heard me.

"You can sit at the table and I won't make you play," he said in a kind, relieved voice as he led me to his table.

"How long will I have to wait for you?" I asked in a calm, cool voice.

I didn't let myself be harsh with him, but I didn't want to be vulnerable either.

"I-I don't know. If it gets too late, or… or if you change your mind, you can leave."

"I know," I said softly, not letting myself look up at him.

"Clare?" he asked carefully, now in his spot behind the table.

"Yes, Eli?" I replied, looking back up at him, all but surrender upon my face.

I couldn't believe the hold he still had on me.

I just couldn't leave.

"Thanks," he said with what seemed like complete sincerity.

People came to the table to play, but I didn't really notice them.

I just looked from the ground to Eli, back and forth.

He looked so different I could hardly stand the sight.

He looked rough, tired, and completely miserable.

He looked lost.

I was pulled from my thoughts from a very scary looking man barking orders to Eli to go tend the bar.

Silently, I followed him.

I took a seat at the end of the bar and ordered a glass of red wine as Eli received instructions.

They gave him basically nothing to do, so he stood in front of me.

I sipped my wine a little too quickly as my nerves grew.

The silence killed me, and soon I couldn't take it anymore.

"So…" I said quietly, anxiously tapping my finger and hoping he would have something to say.

"So…" he repeated, and I grew frustrated.

"What brings you to Vegas?" he asked.

I knew he was stalling by this small talk, but I let it go for a while.

I surprised Alli, she's getting married in two weeks so I surprised her with a bachelorette week."

I stopped myself before I let myself ramble, I wanted to keep this nonsense short.

"That's really great of you, Clare," he said with a smile that appeared to physically pain him.

My internal struggle grew by the minute.

I felt guilty being mad at him, I really did.

But I felt stupid even considering forgiving him.

He went through the hardest thing he had ever had to go through, I got that.

But why did he have to make me go through so much pain too?

"Do I know the groom?" he asked, his voice unsure.

"Yeah, actually," I said nodding just a bit, frustrated with his stalling. "Dave Turner."

"Wow," he breathed.

"Yep," I answered simply, taking another too-large drink of my wine.

I waited for something. Anything.

But he didn't speak, only cleared his throat.

"Well?" I asked a little too loudly, frustrated as I stared at him.

"Well what?" he asked anxiously.

"What brought you to Vegas?"

Come on, Eli.

It's time for an answer.

"Clare, you know why I-"

"Yeah, I know that," I said, interrupting him before he could finish. "But why Vegas, of all places?"

"Well… I don't know."

Really?

That's it?

He 'doesn't know'?

I didn't hide my incredulous expression.

"It just… Seemed like a good fit."

I was infuriated, the smarter of my sides flaring.

"Yeah, I do kind of get the impression that there are quite a few inconsiderate assholes here," I said, not caring how cold I sounded.

He deserved the guilt, I told myself.

He left me.

I glared at him with as much strength as I could gather.

"I know, I completely deserve that, but Clare,"

"But what? I understand that you had a lot to deal with, Eli. But did you ever think that maybe I could have helped you through it? Or Adam? You know, it wasn't exactly easy for him, either, when you left."

I got to him, I knew it.

I needed him to give me something, anything.

If he left me with this much open-endedness, I would never have closure.

I'd never get over him.

"I know, Clare. I know. When everything happened, I… I wasn't thinking straight. I was far from logical, and I couldn't trust myself. I realized all of this a long time ago, but it was a little too late."

Too late?

"No. You know what? That's the biggest piece of shit I've ever heard. If you're blaming how you acted on temporary insanity, so be it. But when you realized you were wrong, why in the hell wouldn't you have come back? Or called? Or… or anything! You left me, Eli. You don't know how much that hurt," my voice broke, "How much it still hurts damn near every day."

I was crying tears of anger, tears of sadness, and tears of every other emotion this stupid boy had ever made me feel.

"Five years, Eli. You were the only one I could trust. The only one I counted on. I loved you with everything in me. And you were gone just like that."

"Clare,"

"No, Eli. I… I just can't handle this right now."

I got up and turned around, needing to be anywhere but here right now.


	6. Chapter 6

_Hooray for updates! I adore this story so much; I don't want it to end. But dragging it out forever would drive you all insane, I'm sure (: Your reviews make me smile big, please keep them coming! It motivates me to move things along faster (hint, hint :D)_

_And, Elizabeth9297, this one had to be Clare's POV, but I do agree with you about Eli's being preferable. Everything about Eli is preferable!_

I cried all the way out of the casino.

All the way through the lobby.

All the way up the elevator, and all the way down the hall to the suite.

I realized I had forgotten to bring a room key, so I knocked weakly on the door.

"Clare-bear, what the hell happened?" Alli asked, pulling me close to her as a whole new round of tears fell.

I was shaking uncontrollably, unable to form any words.

How did he do this to me, after all of this time?

I hated him for it. I absolutely hated him.

She pulled me over to the couch, and we sat.

The girls gathered around us, but I was too consumed in everything that had just happened to be embarrassed by the attention.

"E-Eli," I managed to choke out, burying my face in my hands.

"Clare, what does Eli have to do with anything? I thought you were finally over that little fuck."

Alli's voice was dark; she hated Eli for what he did to me.

"H-He's h-here," I hiccupped, crying even harder.

"Did he find you?" she asked quickly, rubbing my back gently.

"N-no. H-he works h-here. As a d-dealer."

"He's a drug dealer?" Jenna asked with wide eyes.

Alli had trained everyone to think the worst in Eli.

Had I not been so distraught, I'm sure I would have found her assumption humorous.

"N-no… Blackjack."

I leaned against Alli and cried softly.

"You ran into him, didn't you, sweetie?" Alli asked, patting my hair.

I just nodded, wiping my face but only smearing the running eyeliner and mascara everywhere.

"Well honey, we're going to have the best night ever, and you're going to get so shitfaced that you're going to forget all about that asshole."

Alli stood up and held her hand for me to join.

Thanks to 'that asshole', I'd eased up a lot, and drinking wasn't something I was against.

But drinking for the wrong reasons, such as this, was.

However, I was past the point of giving a damn, and I took her hand as she led me to the bathroom to fix my face.

Once my eyes were clear and my face was clear, she applied make up just as simple as I had before.

I completed it with the same cherry red lipstick and smiled at her gratefully.

"Thanks, Alli. You're the best friend a girl could have."

"No problem, Clare-bear. Now let's party!"

Without a single glance in the direction of the casino, I followed the girls out of the hotel.

We went from bar to bar, everything moving faster than I could keep track of.

Alli was right, after about three different bars, I was no longer thinking of Eli.

By the time we reached the hotel at three o'clock that morning, I could hardly stand on my own two feet.

Everyone was all smiles, except for me.

I wasn't particularly unhappy, but I wasn't happy either.

I was numb.

"Let's play some slots!" Alli said suddenly, as we walked past the hotel casino.

I froze in place as the girls excitedly entered.

Eli was in there, which was all I could think of.

But everyone was having so much fun, and I couldn't stop them.

I convinced myself he was still at the bar and not at the nearby tables.

I walked in, and without a sight of him, sat at the slot machine on the end of the row and absentmindedly inserted coins.

"Do you ladies want anything to drink?"

My breath hitched as I heard the voice.

No matter how drunk I was, I could recognize that voice anywhere.

I got up and tried to sneak away, but Alli saw me and called out to me.

"Clare! Where're you goin' sweets?"

I stopped in my tracks, turning slowly to look back at them.

Eli looked from me to the drunken party of girls at the slots, and back again.

I stumbled, still every bit as intoxicated as before.

The room started to spin, and I had to lean against the wall to keep from falling.

Before I knew it, Eli was at my side, his arm around my waist as he led me into the hotel lobby.

I let myself relax into him, unable to muster up enough energy to fight him.

Honestly, I loved the feeling of his arm around me.

"You smell different," I whispered as my face rested on his shoulder. "I don't like it."

"Sorry?" he asked rather than stated, and I could hear the faintest of smirks in his voice.

I would have melted right then and there if I'd seen such a smirk.

Eli's smirks were always my weakness.

"What floor are you on?" Eli asked as he guided me onto the elevator.

"No, n-no. I'll be sick if we go in this thing."

He quickly guided me back off before the doors closed.

"Well, Clare, I don't know what to do with you. You need to rest but there's nowhere down here…"

"Do you still have Morty?" I asked suddenly, "Or, did you abandon him too?"

I felt him flinch against me before answering.

"Of course I do," he answered, "and that's actually a good idea. Way to carry your genius into your intoxication, Edwards."

My heart ached for the old days.

I always used to feel the mixed emotions of annoyance and endearment when he called me Edwards.

He pulled me along with him as he walked out to the parking lot.

It was a long walk to Morty, but I tripped shortly after leaving the building so Eli carried me bridal style to the car.

I buried my face in his neck, and frowned at how different it felt.

It was rough, and it didn't smell the same.

I wanted the old Eli back.

I needed him.

Before I knew it he was placing me into the back of the hearse.

When he started to get in as well, I shook my head.

"Eli… Don't. Go back to work. Leave me alone."

"Clare, I'm not leaving you in a dark Vegas parking lot, drunk and alone. You may hate me, but I still care about you, and I won't let anything happen to you."

The tone of his voice was painfully familiar.

He used that tone with me often, when I would try to be independent and he would try to protect me.

I curled up and closed my eyes, and he covered me with a blanket he had folded in the corner.

From that same corner he pulled a large bottle holding a dark liquid.

He quickly took a swig.

He reached down to brush some fallen hair out of my face.

I moaned softly, and stirred in my spot.

Eli began to stroke my back, earning more moans from my throat.

I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was helping, and making me feel better at that, but I couldn't help myself.

He continued taking swigs of the liquid, I could see from my half-lidded eyes.

"Try to get some sleep, Clare," he said softly.

I shivered, his touch lightening and the air around me growing colder.

"I can't," I whispered.

He must have noticed me shiver, because he adjusted the blanket over me.

But it wasn't enough.

"Eli? Do you think… could you maybe hold me for a while?"

I would hate myself in the morning for how weak I was being, but for now I didn't just want, but I needed the feeling of him.

He hesitated, but after one last, long drink, he slid down beside me and wrapped his arms around me without a word..

I sighed leaning into his body.

"Thanks," I whispered.

"Anything for you."

His voice was calm, but I could hear the dragging out of his words.

I knew he was feeling the alcohol he had consumed.

"I miss you so much," I said suddenly, before I realized the words had formed.

It was true what they said, that the truth came out when you were drunk.

"Clare, I… You have no idea how much I miss you."

His voice broke, and I could tell he was crying.

It was enough to make me cry as well.

"Why, Eli?" I whispered, feeling the hot tears fall. "Why did you leave me? I still needed you, and you needed me. H-how could you just leave me like that?"

"Because, Clare. Because I loved you. And I cared about you too much to subject you to anything I may have… and did end up doing."

I knew he was being sincere.

No matter how much I didn't want to believe it, it was just like him to go to that extreme to keep me safe.

But he didn't realize it put me in much more danger, what he did.

Emotional danger.

He tore me up inside.

I was damaged, and through all of those years I hadn't recovered.

I cried harder, openly sobbing into his chest.

He clutched me to him, and I could feel his body trembling in silent tears.

I lifted my head to look into his eyes, even though I feared what I'd find there.

His green eyes stood out more than ever next to the redness of the whites of his eyes.

Before I knew what the hell I was doing, I followed my instincts and crushed my lips against his.

His lips were still, but I kissed him with urgency.

He placed his hands on the sides of my face, and gently pulled back.

"Clare, what are you doing? You shouldn't…"

"Eli, please," I whispered.

I was desperate for him.

I needed him.

His intoxication beat his logic and he let me connect our lips once more.

As he let my tongue slide between his parted lips, I moaned into his mouth.

I hastily removed his jacket, and I next removed his tie.

While kicking my shoes off, I unbuttoned his shirt.

His hands slowly roamed over my body, and I shuddered at his touch.

He stopped at the hem of my dress, and I could feel his hands against my hot legs.

"Eli… don't stop," I whispered, removing my mouth from his and moving it across his neck.

I nibbled and sucked on it, knowing it drove him crazy.

The groan he gave only made me work harder.

His hands moved up under the skirt of my dress, pulling it upward as they did so.

I soon felt his fingertips through my wet panties, and I gasped.

After pulling his shirt off the rest of the way I tugged at his pants.

I undid the button and zipper, but left them in place as I instead moved my hands.

I gently massaged him through his pants, and he groaned again.

"I need you," I mumbled against his lips as I went back to kissing him with desperation.

"I need you too. Clare, baby, I need you so much."

I had a feeling he wasn't only talking in the physical sense.

"Take me, Eli," I murmured huskily into his ear, pulling him on top of me.

"W-what?" he asked, pulling back.

"Fuck me, Eli," I said harshly, my hips grinding into his as I arched my back.

His breathing became uneasy as he too grinded against me.

He kicked his pants off the rest of the way and pulled off my panties as I quickly removed his boxers.

He moaned against my neck as he rubbed himself against me.

"A-are you sure?" he asked tenderly.

"Do it," I ordered, my legs wrapped around his waist.

Without another word he pushed himself inside of me, and I cried out at the feeling.

I needed him so much.

He pumped himself in and out of me so fast it made my head spin.

I dragged my nails down his back, and he moaned slowly upon the contact.

"God, Eli," I whispered, shaking underneath him.

"Oh, Clare," he moaned, cupping my face with one of his hands.

It was just as it used to be.

Aside from how wrong I knew it was, deep down.

I cried out as he hit me in my most sensitive place.

"E-Eli," I yelled, gripping his waist and meeting his thrusts with my own as I felt myself growing close.

"Oh, god…"

"Eli, Eli… Damn, Eli…"

I chanted his name as I felt myself fall over the edge and I screamed as I rode out my orgasm.

I was panting heavily and he was shaking as he too finished and collapsed next to me.

I didn't let myself think about what had just happened, for I knew I would hate myself for it.

Instead, I buried my face deep in his chest and let sleep overcome me.


	7. Chapter 7

_This chapter alternates points of view, separated by the line breaks. Just so clear up possible confusion (: Sorry if this chapter is kind of dry, it's a transitional chapter of sorts. I'm going to try to have the next chapter up super soon to make up for it, though. Thanks so much for your feedback! Continue reviewing, telling me your likes/dislikes/suggestions. Happy reading!_

I wanted to hate him.

I really, really did.

And I wanted to hate myself for what I had done.

And for not regretting it one bit.

Despite my extreme intoxication that night, I remembered every detail.

I had gotten drunk and had sex with Eli.

But rather than hating myself for my stupid decision, I found myself wanting more.

What in the hell was this man doing to me?

When I woke up in the back of Morty, she was already gone.

...

"Fuck," I mumbled, rubbing my tired eyes as I remembered everything that had happened the night before.

Clare, drunk and emotional, had damn near thrown herself at me.

God knows why, but she did.

And like the idiot I am, I obliged.

I loved that girl every bit as much as I had five years ago.

That is exactly why I hated myself for what had happened.

I already put her through so much pain, and this, I just knew, would only make it worse.

Even though I drank myself into intoxication as well, it felt as if I had taken advantage of her.

I knew that I hadn't, I would never do anything to hurt her.

I would never force her, ever.

But she was so vulnerable.

So sweet and innocent and pure.

What had happened last night, although it had been at her persistence, was completely unlike her.

I felt like it was entirely my fault.

With a painful weight now resting upon me, I got into the driver's seat and went back to my apartment.

After leaving Clare, I had reverted back to my hoarding ways.

Not quite to the point where I had been before her, but it was pretty close.

I frowned as I looked upon the mess, knowing she would be so disappointed in me.

It's not like she thought highly of me anyway, but I often found myself asking what she would think of my actions and decisions.

Nearly every time I asked myself this, I knew she wouldn't approve.

I walked around the small space a few times, looking for things to pick up and throw away.

But I couldn't bring myself to do it.

It was every bit as difficult as when I had cleaned up all of those years ago with Clare.

She was the only reason I got through it.

As I made my way to my bed, I saw a lacy black thong undoubtedly left by the sleazy girl I had brought home the other night.

I hadn't thought anything of her, but with Clare fresh in my mind, I was repulsed at the thought of her.

And at myself, for letting encounters like that happen so often.

I picked up the panties and threw them in the trash.

_Well, that's a start, I guess._

I sat on the small sofa and watched one of the two channels I got on my television.

My mind never left the night before.

Although I completely hated myself for what had happened, I couldn't help but wish it would happen again.

...

I had returned to the room before anyone had woken up that morning.

When everyone was up and around, I got ready for the day with the rest of the group.

We went to lunch together before deciding to go to a show.

We quickly realized there didn't seem to be much to do in Las Vegas during the daytime hours.

As the day went by, my mind frequently went back to the dark haired boy who still had my heart.

And I realized my thoughts and feelings were becoming progressively less negative.

By the time we reached the hotel to get ready for the night's upcoming events, I found myself desperately wanting to see him again.

All of the girls were taking shots from the liquor provided in the room as we got ready.

I decided to not partake, the thought of alcohol in excess making me ill.

We eventually walked downstairs, ready to visit nearby bars and casinos.

Just as we walked through the lobby, I caught a glimpse of a messy head of dark hair, and I couldn't help myself but sneak away from the group and try to get a better look.

...

Before I knew it, it was time to get ready for work yet again.

The thing I hated most about my job at the Palms were the shitty hours.

All night, every night.

The only thing that put a kick in my step as I got ready was the prospect of catching sight of Clare, even if she didn't come anywhere near me.

I was soon ready and I got in Morty, driving a little faster than usual to get to work.

At my table and dealing cards, there still had been no sight of Clare.

At one point, I thought I had heard a scream that could only have belonged to Alli, but I decided I must have been imagining things when I looked up and no one was in the lobby.

I became a drone, as I did every night, dealing cards and distributing chips as needed.

The people around me rose in excitement and fell in disappointment; I remained constant.

Numb.

Half an hour passed before I looked up to examine the casino.

And then I saw her.

She was more gorgeous each and every time my eyes landed upon her.

She was wearing a stunning blue dress, which made her eyes shine.

Her hair was formed into perfect ringlet curls, which fell around her face beautifully.

She was an angel.

And when our eyes met, I couldn't help but notice that her expression was bordering on that of a smile.

I couldn't help but smile myself.

Soon, I was brought back to reality by an angry gambler and I went back to dealing, but it was halfhearted.

I looked up every chance I got, and she remained there.

After an especially long period of not being able to look up to her, when our eyes did meet she was much closer to me.

Just behind the player in front of me was where she stood, looking at me expectantly.

I looked from her to the table, then back to her.

"Elijah, I'm here to take your place. It's time for your break."

One of the only female dealers took my place and I eagerly left my spot and joined Clare.

"Hello, _Elijah_," she said, smirking in the sexiest fucking way.

I pretended to wince, but soon chuckled.

It was as close as I had come to laughing, or showing any emotion really, in a long time.

"Do you want to have a drink?" I asked quickly, wanting to hold her presence for as long as possible.

She hesitated; I could see it in her eyes.

But she soon nodded and we walked together in silence.

And for once, it wasn't awkward.

When we arrived at the bar, we sat at a table off to the side.

I wanted to talk to her with no interruptions or distractions.

I needed to talk to her.

After a bartender walked over to take our drink orders, I looked at her in a panic.

"Clare, I'm so sorry. I wasn't even thinking… Last night… Having a drink with me is probably the last thing you want to do…"

"It's fine," she said softly, looking down at her hands, which sat lightly on her lap.

"I'm an insensitive fuck," I mumbled, burying my face in my hands.

"True, but not because of this," she said, smirking up at me again. "The only thing I was hesitant about was the thought of alcohol. I consumed enough for a lifetime last night…" She sighed, forcing a soft laugh.

"Yeah… About last night Clare, I…" I forced myself to meet her gaze, my face growing pained as I thought of what I felt I had put her through.

Her features softened, and she even reached out to rest her hand on mine.

"Eli, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't even your idea. I'm not upset about it, so please don't worry."

I eased a little at her words.

She didn't totally hate me for it, or didn't seem to anyway.

But that was so unlike her to not make a big deal of sex.

Each time we had sex back when we were together had been just as important as the last to her.

It had been to me too, of course it had, but nowadays sex was meaningless.

It was just fucking.

I knew she didn't love me anymore, how could she?

So does that mean she was perfectly fine with sharing one of these meaningless fucks with me?

Did she sleep with other guys?

Random guys?

My mind raced as I imagined Clare, my Clare, underneath some sketchy lowlife.

I shook my head, wanting the thought out of my mind as quickly as possible.

She must have seen my distress, and she squeezed my hand.

"Eli, I- I don't regret it."

Her voice was soft, gentle.

It made my heart ache.

I wanted her to talk to me with that voice every day.

I wanted her to heal my heart and to heal my head and to make me a good person again.

I was nothing without this girl.

I was hopeless without her.

"Good. Because I'd hate myself if you did."

"If I did, it would be no one's fault but my own. Really, Eli, it was completely my doing."

We were brought our drinks, a glass of red wine for her and a Jack and coke for me.

"So how long are you working tonight?" Clare asked, taking a sip of her drink.

The way her tongue slid over her plump, perfect lips made me crazy.

I noticed she was gazing at me expectantly, and I snapped out of my trance.

"Oh, I get off at midnight," I said, feeling my face grow warm with embarrassment.

I took a drink from my glass, sighing at the feeling it formed in the back of my throat.

"Really? I would think that working at a casino as… wild as this one," she paused, looking around at the screaming and crying of gamblers everywhere, "would require you to be here until early next morning."

"Normally it does," I said quickly, "But I offered Jack, another dealer, my later hours. I've been pretty exhausted lately."

"Oh," is all she said, looking nervously down at her glass.

"Do you think," she said suddenly, looking up at me intently, "Do you think we could meet up after your shift? I really want to… catch up."

She wanted to talk about everything that had happened.

And she deserved that much from me.

As uncomfortable bringing up the past five years was to me, I pushed back my own needs for hers and nodded.

"Of course," I said with a nod, forcing a small smile upon my lips.

"I mean, I know you're tired and you wanted to rest, but…"

"No, Clare, you're worth more than sleep that I probably wouldn't have got otherwise. It's almost eleven now, so do you want to just meet me in the lobby about fifteen after midnight?"

"Yes, that sounds perfect."

As she spoke, she smiled at me with shining eyes.

I had the sudden urge to hold her close and to never let her go.

But I promised myself nothing would happen tonight.

No matter how much I wanted her, I respected her more.

Last night would not happen again.


	8. Chapter 8

_I promised a quick update (: I think this is the longest chapter I have ever written. I really like this one, because I can relate. To the emotional part that comes in… I went through something similar recently, although I handled it a little better than Mr. Goldsworthy. Please let me know what you think, it means a lot to me to see your wonderful reviews! They make me super happy. Enjoy, lovelies!_

Half an hour later I found myself in the hotel lobby, waiting anxiously by the elevators for the beauty I knew would emerge at any minute.

My palms were sweaty, my heart was beating fast, and it was hard to breathe.

Clare Edwards did the craziest things to me.

I paced back and forth, my mind racing.

There was so much that had gone unsaid between us, and it was time to get it all out.

And that made me nervous as fuck.

As my back was turned to the elevators, I heard a faint _ding _and I turned on my heel as quickly as I could, nearly falling in the process.

And there she was.

Just as always, she was even lovelier than when I had seen her just over an hour ago.

I felt my lips curve up into a shy sort of smile.

She rolled her eyes at me, but I saw her lips curl as well.

Wordlessly, I escorted her out to the parking garage.

"It's been a while since I took a ride in Morty," she commented as we neared my hearse.

I nearly choked on my own saliva, taking her comment in the worst of ways.

She realized how her statement had sounded, and her eyes went wide.

She laughed nervously, her eyes trained on the ground.

"I-I know what you mean," I stuttered, feeling every bit as awkward as she looked, but still smiling down at her.

She looked up at me, and her eyes sparkled.

My heart nearly melted.

"So, where are we going?" she asked after a brief silence, opening the passenger door.

I climbed into the driver's seat, and sat there for a moment.

"I don't know, actually. We can go anywhere you want, really…"

"Well, where were you planning on going before I invited myself?" she asked with a knowing smile.

"I was just going to go home. It's a lot… quieter than anywhere else in this city."

"Quiet sounds good to me," she mused. "Why don't we just go back there?"

"Alright," I said with a nod, starting the hearse and pulling out of the space.

"You'll get to see what a charm my apartment is," I added, my voice sarcasm ridden.

She laughed softly.

And then I realized, my place was a pit.

She would be disgusted.

Most of all, she would be disappointed, and I didn't think I could handle that.

But it was too late; we were now far from the strip now and nearly at my place.

"This is it," I sighed, pulling into the lot in front of the shabby apartments.

"Charming," she murmured, looking at me with a small smile.

She must have seen my distress, because she rested one of her small hands against my cheek.

"Thank you for agreeing to talk to me, Eli. It really means a lot. You have no idea…"

"Of course, Clare."

I smiled at her, gently rubbing her bare knee with my palm.

My heart raced; I had not realized until our contact how the touch would affect me.

Her breath hitched, and I slowly took back my hand.

"We should go inside," she whispered, placing her hand on the door handle.

"Um… yeah, sure," I stuttered awkwardly.

I stalled, getting out of the car slowly, and deciding now was a good time to take out the blanket and bottle of liquor from the back.

She was waiting, impatiently tapping her foot, when I joined her by her side.

I led her to my apartment on the second floor, and took a deep breath before opening the door.

"Clare, I'm sorry about the apartment. It's… Well I…"

"I'm sure it's fine, let's just get inside," she said through her teeth, clutching herself tightly.

It was cold outside, and she was wearing next to nothing.

I opened the door and quickly went inside, not wanting to see her reaction.

"Oh, Eli," she breathed.

I pretended I didn't hear her as I entered my room, throwing the blanket on my bed.

I went back into the kitchen and put the liquor in a cabinet.

She caught up with me before I could busy myself with anything else.

"Eli…" she started, her voice careful.

I didn't answer her, avoiding her gaze at all costs.

"Eli, why did this happen?"

"Because my life went to shit, Clare," I said suddenly, "Every time my life goes to shit, this happens. I just… I lose control, and I don't know what to do. It's like I told you last time. I… I feel like…"

She suddenly grabbed my hands and held them tightly.

"I know," she murmured, "I know."

I looked down at the floor, unable to look at her.

She removed one of her hands from mine and cupped my face gently.

"Eli, you made it through this once. You can make it through again."

"But I had you last time," I said, my voice breaking.

I couldn't control myself, all of the emotions I'd suppressed all of these years were flooding back to me.

"Well I'm here right now. Why don't we start on something small tonight? Your bedroom maybe?"

Still holding tight to my hand, she retracted her hand from my cheek and guided me towards my bedroom.

Inside, I sat on my bed as she looked around at the piles of useless junk.

She sat on the other side of my bed, and took the blanket from Morty.

She folded it slowly, and then set it aside.

Neither one of us spoke.

Suddenly, her breath drew in.

I turned to look at her, and my eyes grew wide as she picked up the pipe that had been lying between us on my bed.

"Eli…" she murmured, her brows knitting together as she held the foreign object between her fingers.

"Clare, I-"

"This is the first to go," she interrupted, quickly standing and walking toward the kitchen.

"Clare, wait!" I nearly yelled, jumping up in panic.

I had become dependant on the feeling of being intoxicated.

I needed to feel disconnected to survive.

I reached her and put my hand on hers just as she was about to drop the piece into the trash.

"Eli, you can't really expect me to let you keep this."

"Clare…" My eyes searched hers, pleading.

"I'm so disappointed in you," she said softly, pulling her eyes from mine and looking down at the pipe.

I took a deep breath.

Just was I was afraid of.

Just what I knew what would happen.

I took it from her, and she turned away.

After looking at it for a long minute, I closed my eyes and dropped it into the trash.

She heard the thud and turned around quickly.

I opened my eyes and gave a weak smile.

She smiled sincerely back at me, and that smile is what gave me strength to keep going.

I led her back into my room and looked around, overwhelmed.

"Baby steps," she murmured, rubbing my back.

The feeling sent chills down my spine.

_Nothing is going to happen tonight._

I nodded my head and looked down at her with a grateful smile.

"Suggestions where to start?" I asked hopefully.

"I suggested your bedroom," she pointed out.

"But it's still too overwhelming," I said with a sigh.

"How about this pile?" she asked, removing her hand from my back and nearing the pile nearest to the door.

I followed her, and we were started.

We threw out newspapers, notebooks, old novels that I didn't read, empty containers, and countless other useless objects that I had been holding onto for so long.

It was nearly three in the morning when we were almost done.

We were both sorting through small piles beside my bed, both seated at the foot of the mattress.

We had been talking fluidly the whole time, and it had come easily.

She had finished college, early of course, and had a degree in education.

She wanted to go for her masters, so she could be a professor.

Her ambition made me proud of her and turned on all at the same time.

I had to tell her how I'd basically been a bum all this time, and I knew she probably looked down upon me for it.

"So, have you been seeing anyone?" I asked cautiously, bracing myself for her answer.

I couldn't stand the thought of her in the arms of anyone but me.

"I've had a few relationships here and there. Nothing too serious though. I just…" she turned her head away from me before answering, "Nothing felt right."

"Yeah," I said breathlessly, "I know what you mean."

She turned back to me, and we looked at each other long and hard.

I wanted to take her right then and there.

I wanted to kiss her, to hold her, and to have her as mine.

But I knew I didn't jut want her.

I needed her.

I let my eyes fall to her mouth only to see she was nervously biting at her lower lip.

This drove me crazy.

My breathing deepened and I was just about to give in to my hormones and kiss her when she interrupted my thoughts.

"Eli, I know things didn't go well the last time I asked this," she looked down at her hands and squeezed her eyes closed, "but I just need to know. Why?"

"Clare, you know why," I groaned, my heart dropping.

"Eli, that can't be your answer forever. If I keep asking, obviously I don't…"

"Clare! You have no idea how much pain I was in. Can't you see how much this still fucking hurts me? On top of not having them, I don't have you anymore either. I don't have an answer for you, okay? I know you deserve one, but I just… I just don't!"

I lost control and raised my voice at her as I defended myself desperately.

"Eli," she started, forcing her shaky voice to remain calm, "I know you went through hell when they died. I know that, believe me I do. But I could have helped you. You wouldn't have had to lose me. No matter how crazy you would have gone if you'd stayed, I would have been by your side through it all. Hell, if I knew where you went after you left I would have followed you, I swear to God I would have. But you didn't let me. You forced this misery, this loneliness, upon yourself."

Silent tears were freely flowing from my eyes as I buried my face in my hands, hiding from her.

"They were my parents," I whispered, my voice trembling, "I loved them so much Clare, and they were taken away from me just like that."

A drunk driver had killed my parents instantly on their way back from a concert one night in the late spring five years ago.

Thankfully the bastard that took their lives also died in the accident, or I'd have killed that motherfucker a long time ago.

Clare slid closer to me on the bed, and her hand returned to its earlier home on my back.

As her nails gently scratched through my shirt, she spoke in a soft voice.

"Eli, sweetheart, I'm so sorry." She rested her forehead on my shoulder before continuing, "I know I'm not making this any easier on you by pushing, it's just… Eli, when you left, you took part of me with you. A big part of me. It tore me up, and to be honest with you…" she took a deep breath, her voice now just as shaky as mine, "I still haven't recovered."

I let out an audible cry, hating myself for projecting my misery on the one person who didn't deserve it, and for being so stupid and leaving her all alone.

Hearing her hiccup as she too cried, I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight.

She felt so good against me; I never wanted to let her go.

"God, I was so stupid," I muttered into her hair, "I never should have left you, Clare. Baby, I'm so, so sorry."

"I'm sorry too," she breathed, trembling in my arms. "I'm sorry that you've gone through so much. You've lost so much…"

I pulled back just slightly, resting my head against hers.

"Clare, do you think you could stay with me tonight?" I asked as my eyes found hers.

Her blue orbs were sad and red.

It was heartbreaking.

I'm sure mine matched.

"I just don't think I can be alone…"

"Of course," she murmured, lifting her head to press a kiss to my forehead.

A current of relief rushed through me, and I pulled her with me as we lay back on my bed.

We both calmed down, our breath evening out and our bodies no longer trembling.

She had taken my hand in hers and was holding it gently.

I sighed, leaning up on my elbow to look down at her.

"You're such a good person, you know that? I'm a horrible, horrible person, and you're perfect."

She shook her head, her curls bouncing as she did so.

"I'm not perfect. If I were perfect, I wouldn't have let you go…"

"You couldn't have stopped me, Clare. No one could have."

I stood up, reluctantly retracting my hand from hers, and went to find some comfortable clothes for her to change into.

"You know, I think I was trying to protect you by leaving. Bad things always happen to the people I love. I thought something bad would happen to you. I know it sounds illogical and stupid, but I wasn't acting very logical…"

"That makes sense," she said sweetly, assuring me I wasn't crazy for feeling that way, "But I'm not going anywhere. And nothing that happens is your fault."

I looked back at her and smiled a small, sincere smile.

I hadn't smiled so much in the past five years than when I'd been with Clare recently.

After finding an old band shirt and a pair of flannel pants that I knew would be too big on her, I moved back towards her and handed them over.

"I know that dress must not be comfortable by now," I said with a smirk.

Her features suddenly changed in a way I couldn't quite put my finger on, and she bit her lip as she took the clothes from me.

"No, it's not comfortable at all. Thanks," she added, smiling at me in a way that, if I didn't know any better, I would think was… seductive?

"No problem," I murmured, turning to busy myself with organizing my closet to let her change.

"Eli?" she called, causing me to turn around. I saw that she was still fully clothed and let out the breath I had been holding in.

"Yeah?" I breathed, taking a step towards her as she beckoned me to come closer.

"Could you help me with my zipper? I don't know how Alli got it up in the first place, but it's stuck."

She bit her lip again, and as I approached and placed my hands on the silky fabric of her dress, I was becoming more turned on by the second.

I worked the zipper slowly, wiggling it loose.

As soon as it broke free from the snag, I slid it slowly down her side, my hand grazing the newly exposed flesh there.

I got chills, my breath hitching.

She gasped as well, and I pulled back quickly.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, staring back at her as her eyes pierced me.

She dropped her dress to the floor, leaving her body exposed in front of me.

My eyes dropped before I could register what was happening, and they widened at what they saw.

"It's okay," she said before pulling the pants on.

Her body had only become more magnificent since he had last seen it.

In the flurry that was last night, he never really got a chance to appreciate her.

With her displayed in front of him now, he couldn't help but appreciate what he saw.

The drawstring waist of the pants she now wore hugged the curves of her hips as they covered her beautifully shaped legs.

Her torso was lean, curving in sexily at her waist and her figure coming back out in an hourglass form at her large breasts.

I hungrily watched her pull the shirt over her head, fantasizing about ripping it right back off.

She smirked lightly at me, seeming to know exactly what was on my mind.

I cleared my throat awkwardly as she looked me over now.

"Well, aren't you going to change too?" she asked, hands on her hips expectantly.

"I usually just sleep in boxers," I mumbled as I made my way back to the closet to look for another set of sleep clothes, knowing I wouldn't find anything else.

"Well don't let me stop you," she murmured, sitting on my mattress, and staring at me intently.

I nodded before pulling off my tie and setting it on the now cleared off dresser.

I unbuttoned my shirt, hanging it up rather than throwing it on the floor.

And I pulled off my pants, my eyes watching Clare as hers roamed over my now exposed body.

I felt her eyes on me, and it made me nervous as hell.

"Should I sleep on the couch?" she asked suddenly, getting up and moving towards the door.

"Hell no," I said quickly, moving over to her and guiding her back to my bed, "You'll sleep here. I can sleep on the sofa."

"But it's your house. You should be comfortable. And you should really enjoy your room being clean." She smiled at me, making my knees weak.

"Well… It always kind of freaks me out when it's clean… at first."

I ran a hand through my hair and she smirked up at me.

"Then I guess there's only way for us both to be happy. We'll both have to sleep in the bed."


	9. Chapter 9

_The night isn't over yet! I made this one less… intense? Intense in the sense of the previous chapter, anyway. It is _very_ M rated… (: As I said, within this story there are ups and downs. If you don't like something about how the story is progressing, or if you have suggestions, I'm really open to everything! I'm motivated to update by your interest in this story, so your feedback is wonderful!_

My heart was beating so furiously that I could feel its intensity.

I had crawled into my bed beside Clare about fifteen minutes ago.

I sat up, my back against the wall as I flipped through the pages of Romeo and Juliet.

It was a frequent read for me, because it reminded me so much of her.

When I was lonely, I would pick up this book and remember that fateful English assignment six years previous.

Tonight, I was turning the pages much too quickly to be believably reading it.

Clare was lying curled up on her side next to me, on the side I didn't usually sleep on.

It was like we were made to share a bed.

I was pained by the memories of her and I sharing my bed when we were still together.

Rather than falling asleep quickly, as I hoped she would, she just stared up at me.

Expecting.

But expecting what, I wasn't sure of.

I wanted her so badly I couldn't think straight.

Every time my eyes ventured down, they locked with hers.

_No, Eli. You can't. You don't deserve her. You can't put her through this._

My brain and my heart were at odds.

I trained my eyes on the old worn pages of the book, but they ached to look at her and only her.

She moved her hand to my arm and gently let it rest there, causing a jolt to run up my arm.

Her touch electrified me.

I bravely let my eyes drop to hers, but they did not have too far to look.

She had moved herself up to my height without my noticing.

Her eyes were just inches from mine, and my pulse skyrocketed.

She smelled so sweet; I inhaled deeply to take in the scent and memorize it.

Her irresistible lips were curved up into the smallest of smiles.

I had the nearly uncontrollable urge to kiss her with as much passion as I could muster.

She gently tugged on her lower lip with her teeth, and I had to close my eyes.

I couldn't handle the things she did to me unbeknownst to her.

Her cool hand was suddenly resting on my neck, her fingers playing at the hair on the nape of my neck.

The sensation sent chills down my spine.

I opened my eyes to see hers staring straight back at me.

They were a tint darker than normal, and the look in them made me go crazy.

I held my breath, nervous as shit.

I didn't want to do so much as look at her the wrong way, that's how fragile she was to me.

She didn't seem to have the same concerns with me, because before I knew it she had pushed me down on my back and had thrown her leg over my waist, straddling my hips as she kissed me hungrily.

I instantly groaned against her lips, kissing her back with no reservations.

She must have been looking for that kind of reaction, because as I felt her smirk against my mouth she grinded her middle against mine.

I could feel myself becoming erect underneath her, and I knew she probably could too.

Her tongue gently swept across my lower lip and my lips instantly parted, allowing it to roam inside of my mouth.

I heard a soft moan in her throat, and I bucked my hips against her.

The moment her tongue left my mouth, I took her lip between my teeth and nipped at it lightly before sucking on it.

When I freed her lip, she instantly broke the kiss and we both panted desperately for air as she pressed hungry kisses against my neck.

Her kisses led up to my ear, and she took it in her teeth and nibbled on it in the sexiest way.

Her tongue glided along my ear from lobe to cartilage, stopping at the piercing I still wore from our very first date.

She tugged on it with her teeth and I squeezed her where my hands sat upon her waist.

After trailing her mouth back down my ear and neck, she neared my bare chest.

Her lips moved at an agonizingly slow pace, leaving open-mouthed kisses all along my chest.

The plump, soft lips I ached to kiss grazed over me as they began to press against my stomach.

She soon reached and passed my naval, and I held my breath as her tongue slid slowly above the elastic band of my boxers, from hipbone to hipbone.

I groaned aloud, loving how she made me feel.

However, rather than relieving the throbbing desire I had for her just inches below, she slid back up to be face to face with me.

I grinded myself against her, desperately needing to relieve the building pressure.

"Eli," she whispered hotly against my lips as she kissed me repeatedly.

"Mmm, Clare," I mumbled, ready to submit to anything she wanted.

"I want you," she said in a fierce voice.

It was as if she was commanding me, and it was sexy as hell.

Without another word, in one swift movement I had her pinned beneath me.

I had her wrists bound above her head in one of my much larger hands, my free hand under her shirt groping her breast.

My fingers pinched and pulled her hard nipple, and I breathed a moan.

She too moaned, but parted her lips to speak as well, "But," she started, biting her lip and wrapping her legs around my waist as she thrust herself against me, "I want you to pleasure me first."

I let my hand fall from her breast and slide down her torso, but just as I was about to slide it behind the hem of her pants she shook her head.

I stared down at her, confused and disappointed.

"Not that way," she murmured, biting her lip once more.

I groaned now understanding her request.

Releasing her hands, I lowered my body, pulling her pants down with me.

She kicked them off and I was left staring at her slinky black panties.

I touched her through them, and she moaned at the light ghosting of my fingers.

I pulled them too, off and gazed hungrily at her, exposed in front of me.

As I lowered my face to her, she grabbed my hair and stopped me.

"No," she said in a murmur.

I stared up at her, confusion evident in my features.

A devilish smirk spread across her lips as she removed herself from her spot around me.

She turned so that we were facing each other on our sides, but were lying in opposite directions.

I was again facing her wet center, and she was now facing my bulging want for her.

I glanced up at her and realized she was still wearing my shirt, and I hastily pulled it off of her.

She hooked her fingers on either side of my boxers and pulled them down.

I helped her by kicking them off the rest of the way, and suddenly, she had forced me onto my back and was kneeling above me.

She was just inches from my face, and I wanted so desperately to lift my head and taste her.

She wrapped her hand around the base of my cock and without hesitation I reacted by allowing my eager tongue to meet her clit.

I massaged it while pumping my middle and ring fingers in and out of her, earning a long, drawn out moan from her lips.

I only continued more eagerly, and just seconds later I felt her warm mouth close around me.

As she moved up and down, I moaned against her.

I removed my fingers from her and replaced them with my tongue, a moan sounding from my throat at the wonderful taste of her.

She pumped her mouth up and down my length, only becoming quicker in her movements.

I plunged my tongue deeper into her as I felt her muscles contract.

Her breathing became shaky the faster I moved.

When her moans were more frequent and her hand trembled where it held my leg, I removed my tongue from her and replaced it with my fingers once more and returned it to her clit.

I pumped my fingers as fast as I could, soon adding my index finger to her tight warm entrance.

"Oh, Clare… Clare… stop," I mumbled against her, feeling myself about to explode in her mouth.

She removed her mouth from around me and lazily pumped her hand up and down my cock, allowing herself to submit to what she and I both felt coming.

Her muscles contracted tighter than ever around me, and her moans were more frequent and shakier by the second.

"E-Eli," she yelled. "Y-yes! Oh, God, yes!"

Her loud sounds of pleasure drove me crazy and I only moved more frantically inside of her.

She nearly screamed as I felt her release, her whole body trembling above me.

When her voice died out, I lifted her leg to slide under it and I turned myself in her direction.

She collapsed her tired body on top of mine, and I let my hands roam all over her hot, sweaty body.

"You're so beautiful, Clare," I breathed, in wonder at the magnificence of the girl lying on top of me.

I saw her cheeks redden, and I pressed a kiss into the mess of curls on top of her head.

We were lying there in silence for a few comfortable minutes, my mind never leaving what had just happened and my erect desire never falling.

"Eli?" she murmured as soon as her breathing had evened out.

"Hmm?" I asked with a noise from the back of my throat, my hands grazing over her back and perfectly shaped ass.

"I still want you," she replied.

She lifted herself to an upright position, pulling me with her.

We sat facing each other, tension quickly building between us.

I was entirely surprised by her actions tonight.

How was it that after all I had put her through, she could be this open with me?

The look in her eyes said she truly did want me, so I didn't question her.

However, the question of whether or not she would end up regretting this played in the back of my mind like a nuisance.

She pulled me from my thoughts as, with a mischievous look in her eye, she lay back on the bed and pulled me on top of her.

While holding myself above her, I gently pressed my body to hers.

It felt so good to feel her.

I had felt her last night during our romp in the back of Morty, but neither of us had been sober enough to actually appreciate it.

This time was different.

I knew, for whatever reason, that she wanted this for real.

It wasn't influenced by intoxication.

It was just us, here in this moment.

And that was the greatest feeling in the world to me.

I pressed my lips to hers, which she greeted eagerly with a string of kisses.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and let out a soft, sweet moan.

The noises she made drove me absolutely crazy.

I pressed my hard member against her already wet hole, drawing a gasp from her lips.

I groaned, rubbing myself up and down between her folds.

"Eli, don't fucking tease me," she mumbled, pushing herself harder against me.

A sound escaped me that resembled a growl as she turned me on more by the second.

"It's so sexy when you curse, Clare," I breathed in her ear.

Her body shook and I knew I was getting to her.

"Eli, please," she nearly panted.

"Do you know what's even sexier, Clare?" I murmured, my lips pressed to her neck.

She didn't give me time to answer.

Frustrated and filled with desire, she suddenly had me pinned down below her.

She was taking control.

_This,_ I answered myself mentally.

Clare always took command verbally, but it had always been so uncharacteristic of her to be physically forceful.

When she took control like this, it drove me to the edge.

While she rubbed herself against me, I propped myself up on my elbows to be closer to her.

As quickly as I had lifted myself, she had pushed me right back down while simultaneously lowering herself on top of me.

As I penetrated her, I groaned at the feeling surrounding me.

She lifted herself up and down my length, pulling herself up at an agonizingly slow pace, so high that I nearly came completely out of her and ramming herself back down on me with such force that it nearly took the breath out of me.

I panted heavily, my eyes closed tight as embraced the feeling of her.

My hands rested on her hips as she changed direction, now sliding forward and backward as she grinded her hips against mine.

She let out a soft moan as I moved inside of her, and I bucked my hips up wanting another sound from her throat.

"Oh… oh Eli," she moaned louder, her speed increasing rapidly.

"Yeah, Clare," I breathed, encouraging her to go on.

"E-Eli! Oh… god… Eli!"

The way my name sounded as she yelled it was enough to drive me crazy.

I felt myself come close, but I couldn't let myself go just yet.

I never wanted this to end.

"Clare," I moaned her name, my eyes gazing straight into hers.

At the sound of her name, a mischievous glint appeared in her eyes as she smirked darkly.

A smirk to match appeared on my face now, and I couldn't wait to see what she had up her sleeves for me.

In one fluid movement, without leaving her spot around my dick, she maneuvered herself around one hundred and sixty degrees, now riding me backwards.

I smirked as I grabbed her ass, which sat in front of me now.

"Eli!" she moaned out, my name stringing out for what felt like hours upon her tongue.

I knew that in this direction I was now hitting her spot.

Her rapid, shaky breaths and her fingers digging into my thighs told me this much.

"Clare, I'm almost there baby," I said gently.

This only made her movements wilder.

Her voice rose to a loud, drawn out scream as I felt her clench tight around me.

At this moment, I let myself go inside of her.

Our coming together was beautiful as we moaned in unison, chanting each other's names over and over again.

I felt every muscle around me release and she slowed to a lazy pace.

With my hands on her waist I helped to lift her off of me.

She collapsed to the bed next to me, hot naked body against hot naked body as we trembled in each other's arms.

"That was…" my voice faded off as I continued to try to catch my breath.

"Fucking amazing," she murmured, completing my sentence.

I smirked, brushing aside some of the hair that was pressed to the sweat on her face.

"Cursing twice in one day? You're quite the little devil, Edwards."

She laughed lightly, hiding her face in the crook of my neck as she sighed.

"What can I say, you bring out the worst in me, Goldsworthy."

As I held her close to me, I caught a glimpse of what life could have been like had I not left.

This closeness between us was so intense, so pure, and downright perfect.

I imagined sharing moments such as these with the girl in my arms every day for the rest of my life, and it was the life I knew I'd always wanted.

I tried to push thoughts of her regretting this, or acting as if it had never happened, out of my mind for right now.

Instead, I let myself drift off to sleep with the dreams of forever with Clare Edwards.


	10. Chapter 10

_Last chapter was a nice shake up, yes? Very smutty (: This one is more died down. Kind of a progression. Keep in mind what I said about this story having definite ups and downs… Is it even possible to believe that my original idea for this story was just a one-shot? Hah. We're only into their third day there, and this is a weeklong trip! I absolutely love this story. I'm feeling like it's going to be very hard to end it when the time comes ): Review please and let me know your thoughts!_

I sighed a sigh of pure happiness when I woke the next morning to find myself naked in the arms of the man who I was falling in love with all over again.

Memories of last night flooded back to me, and my cheeks flushed.

I had found it nearly impossible to remember why I'd been so infuriated with him to begin with.

Yes, he had left me, and it had hurt.

A lot.

But his parents had died.

And with Julia's death having only occurred a few years previous to that, it couldn't have been easy for him.

Death really seemed to follow him like a ghost.

And I realized he was probably scared for me.

Everyone he was close to had been cruelly taken away from him, except for me.

As I looked down at the boy sleeping peacefully next to me, I stroked his cheek with my thumb and smiled, finally feeling as if my heart were becoming whole again.

Just then, my phone buzzed loudly from across the room and started to ring.

Eli stirred out of his deep sleep as I tried to extract my body from its position tangled within his.

"Clare?" he spoke groggily, "Clare, wha's happening?"

He moaned and reached around me, pulling me right back to him and not letting go.

I smiled as I looked down at him, engraining this moment in my mind forever.

"Sweetie, I have to get my phone. I'll be right back."

He pouted lightly but let me go and I hurried over to my phone.

Just as I answered, I heard a low whistle come from him.

He was smirking and looking over every inch of my exposed body as I shakily asked "Hello?"

"CLARE FUCKING EDWARDS!"

Alli's voice was shrill and angry.

"A-Alli! Hi! Uh, how are you?"

"Don't ask me how the fuck I am, Clare. Where in the HELL are you?" she asked sternly,

"I'm-"

"Yesterday we were all walking out of the hotel together and we all went to eat and to the casinos and the clubs and the bars…"

Jesus, how was this girl still alive after all of that in one night?

"… And next thing I know, someone realizes you were gone! How could you have just up and left in the middle of the night without even telling anyone?"

"Alli, I was-"

"I can't believe you-"

"Alli!" I yelled into the phone, causing Eli to jump.

I flashed an apologetic smile at him before switching back to Alli mode.

"Just listen to me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was leaving, but I didn't leave in the middle of the night. I guess you didn't notice, but I didn't even leave the hotel with you. I… I found Eli."

I winced upon telling her, waiting for her wrath to set in.

"WHAT THE HELL? Eli? Clare, are you an idiot?" she yelled so loud it made my ear hurt.

"Alli, listen to me!" I yelled again. "I went to talk to him. We got very… involved in our conversation."

I blushed deeply, taking a deep breath when I didn't hear a reaction from her.

"Before I knew it, it was really late and we were too tired to come back to the hotel, so-"

"You stayed with him? At his place? Oh god, Clare, you didn't fuck him, did you?"

"No!" I answered a little too quickly.

I was sure that Alli, queen of drama, would disown me as a friend if she knew.

"N-no," I repeated a little more calmly, "We just talked. We talked, we got some things sorted out, and we went to sleep. And I'll be back just as soon as I can get a ride. I'm really sorry, Alli."

"Well I guess you'll just have to make it up to me tonight," she said with a sigh, unable to think of any logical argument against my actions.

It was completely understandable to have needed to talk to Eli.

But what I had _really_ done with him, now that was a whole other story.

"I won't let you down. Love you!"

We each hung up and I returned to Eli.

When I tried to slide into the bed beside him, he was tense.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, searching his features and finding them sad looking.

"Are you ashamed to be with me, Clare?" he asked, distress in his voice.

"Of course I'm not!" I answered quickly.

I placed a kiss on his forehead before lifting his chin to ensure he looked at me.

"Eli, I could never be ashamed to be with you. Is this because I told Alli nothing happened between us?"

He nodded, reaching up to touch my cheek.

"Baby, I messed up. I know I did. And I haven't been a good person since I haven't been with you. I don't know how to be without you. I… I fall apart."

"Oh, Eli," I breathed, stroking his cheek.

"Let me finish," he commanded gently. "Being with you again, if even for this short time, it's helped me so much. I really feel like I'm worth a shit when I'm with you. And I don't feel like I'm the scum of the earth, you know? I just hope you see me that way… I don't want you to be ashamed of me."

"Sweetheart, I could never be ashamed of you. Being here with you now, well I want to shout from the rooftops how happy it's made me."

His lips curled up a bit at this.

I smiled as I continued.

"It's just, Alli was there with me through it all after you left. I was so depressed, Eli, I didn't leave my room for nearly a month. I never smiled, I never ate, I couldn't sleep… I was a hot mess."

His face fell once more.

"Sure I was able to become functional again, but Alli was there to see me through all of that. She's been my best friend since year nine, and she cares a lot about me. She hated seeing me like that. And, yeah, it made her hate you. Kind of a lot."

His eyes closed, but both of my hands rested on his cheeks encouraging him to look at me.

"All she saw was what a wreck I was. She wasn't thinking at all about what you were going through. That's why I didn't tell her. I just didn't want to upset her is all. But Eli, I could never be ashamed of you even if I tried."

_Because I love you too god damn much._

I knew in my heart that I loved him.

I had never stopped.

But I just couldn't tell him.

It felt spontaneous, and rushed.

It didn't feel like the right time.

He opened his eyes, and those green orbs searched my blue ones for a long while.

"Okay," he murmured, forcing a small smile to his lips.

I kissed his lips softly, and he kissed me back.

"But," I started, dread filling my voice, "I probably should get back soon. It is her weekend, and I kind of owe her my time. Unfortunately."

"It's alright," he answered sweetly, pulling me into a tight hug. "You go have fun with your girls. I'll be okay. As long as you promise to come by the casino to say goodnight before you head in for the night."

I smiled at his eagerness to see me.

"Of course I will."

He held me there for a long while, finally letting me go to get dressed in the clothes from last night and getting up to put some clothes on himself.

Before I knew it we were in Morty headed back to the hotel.

"So what are you going to do today?" I asked curiously.

"I was actually thinking about finishing up my room…"

His voice was a bit distant, but his eyes were set and I knew he was serious.

"Eli, that's great!" I said with a big smile spread across my lips. "I'm really proud of you."

He smirked and reached over to give my hand a squeeze.

"Well I owe it all to you," he said softly, sweetness filling his words.

I blushed, glad that I could have such an effect on him.

We were finally back at the hotel.

I frowned as he stopped in front of it.

"So I'll see you tonight?" he asked a bit anxiously.

"Of course," I murmured in response, leaning in and planting a soft, slow kiss on his lips.

He smirked against my lips, and I slid my tongue into his mouth just for good measure.

He had no idea how much he could control me by that simple facial expression.

I got out of the car and made my way back up to the bachelorette suite.

"Look how wrinkled her clothes are."

"Her hair is a mess."

"Does she have a black eye? That looks like a black eye. Do you think he beat her up?"

"No, Jenna, her make up is smudged."

"She definitely smells like sex."

"Do you think they had sex?"

"Girls, you do know I can year all of you, right?" I muttered bitterly, giving them the bitchiest look I could muster.

"Come on," Alli said with a commanding tone to her voice, "Leave her alone. She's been through a lot in the last forty-eight hours."

I smiled gratefully at her, and she smiled back.

"I'm so sorry, Alli. I've been an awful friend."

"Clare-bear, you arranged the most fantastic trip of my life. You needed that time with him to sort things out. But if you're satisfied and have closure and all of that shit now, I won't be sharing you for the rest of the trip!"

My heart fell at the thought of not getting to sneak off to meet Eli anymore, but I convinced myself I would find a way and I nodded with a smile.

"Of course. I'm all yours."

Several hours after we were ready, we found ourselves at a nice restaurant just a little ways from the hotel.

Our day was full of the usual Vegas attractions, everyone completely amazed except for me.

All I could think of was how much I wanted to be back in the arms of the man I loved.

…

As I finally arrived back at my apartment, I sighed with disappointment.

Last night had been a dream.

Not even a week ago I had believed that I would never see Clare again.

Now, not only had I seen her again, and not only had we sorted things out and gotten to be on good terms, but I had also slept with her.

Twice.

My life was taking a definite turn for the better, at least for now.

My sweet, innocent, beautifully perfect Clare didn't know the half of it.

She didn't know just out of control I'd become.

How many drugs I'd had stints with.

How many nights I'd spent, trashed out of my fucking mind; how I had basically become an alcoholic.

How many girls I'd slept with, starting only a few months after I left.

I hated myself for knowing these things.

If I were to ever be honest with her about how stupid I'd been through the five years that had gone by, I knew that she would hate me all over again.

And as much as she deserves nothing but the truth from me, I didn't want to lose her.

Not again.

I wouldn't be able to stand this horrific world without her.

When she spoke of how Alli hated me for what I did to her, it made me think of how much everyone must hate me.

And I found myself thinking of Adam.

I was one of the guy's only true friends, and I'd left him behind too.

I knew Clare would have looked after him, but I felt like an awful person.

We were like brothers, and I'd abandoned him.

I was quickly realizing what a stupid fuck I had been all of these years.

Frustrated and confused, I got out of my car and went up to the apartment.

I made my way past the messy living room and found my bedroom, only a few miscellaneous piles left.

I found the one furthest from my bed and began to sort through it.

I was determined to clean up; I wanted to make Clare happy.

Everything good that I did was for her.

I found an old notebook that was very familiar.

On the cover it read English, and I knew it was from school.

The next few notebooks in the stack were all from school, I soon found out.

I carried them all back to my bed, deciding to take a walk down memory lane.

As I plopped them down on my bed, a stack of photos fell from the pages of one.

I picked up the pictures and smiled.

The first was of Clare and I, she was wearing a stunning black strapless dress and I was wearing a black tux with a red skinny tie.

She had a radiant glow about her as she smiled that beautiful smile of hers; I was smirking, but I saw the happiness in my eyes.

I remembered the day like it was yesterday.

It was from my senior prom, she had been a junior.

My mom had taken the photo of us, along with about a hundred others.

That day was only two weeks before the accident.

It was hard to look at the memories captured by the photos, but I pushed through.

The next was of Adam and Clare, both looking at me with annoyed looks on their faces.

I had taken the picture for when I went to college, "to remember them by."

Of course college never happened for me.

The next picture was of Clare and I again.

Her arm was extended, holding the camera.

We were wrapped up in each other, our lips locked in a kiss.

This was the first picture at which I smiled.

I remembered the feeling of her lips on mine just that morning.

After searching through the rest of the pictures, I stowed them away in the bedside drawer.

I looked through the rest of the notebooks to make sure I didn't discard anything important before throwing them in the trash.

It was hard, but it was liberating.

I finally felt strong again.

By the end of the afternoon, my bedroom was all cleaned out and I was started on the living room.

…

After a long night of partying with the girls, we finally made it back to the hotel.

One of the girls had started to get sick, so it was only one in the morning, very early in terms of the two days previous.

I mumbled to Alli how I felt like I would be sick and slid off to the bathroom.

The girls in all of their drunken glory stumbled onto the elevator.

Of course I wasn't going to be sick, I was nowhere near that intoxicated.

But I knew if I were to keep my promise to Eli, I'd have to be secretive with Alli.

When I was sure they would be upstairs, I walked into the familiar casino.

I wasn't out of my mind drunk, but I was definitely tipsy.

I glided over to Eli's table and smiled excitedly when I saw him bent over the table, distributing cards.

When he looked up to me his face lit up.

"Jack!" I heard him call out. "Take my spot for my break?"

The intimidating man from the other day went over to him and soon took his place behind the table.

He'd waited all night, almost to the end of his shift for a break.

Just to spend time with me.

My heart raced as Eli walked over to me.

"Hi," I breathed, standing on my toes to place a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

He laughed melodically, earning a giggle from me even before I knew what was so humorous.

"Someone's been drinking tonight," he murmured, poking my nose playfully.

I scrunched up my nose and shrugged, my eyes mischievous.

"Well you're just the cutest damn thing I've ever seen," he said with a grin.

I took his hand in mine and pulled him along with me.

We eventually arrived at the hotel lounge, and we sat together on one of the plush sofas.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I let myself melt into his body.

"I missed you today," I whispered, closing my eyes and taking in the perfect moment.

"I missed you too," he said back; at the time I didn't hear the distress in his voice.

"Oh, so did you get through your room?" I asked, suddenly remembering.

I took his hand that wasn't on my shoulder and absent-mindedly played with his fingers.

"Yeah, actually. And I started on the living room."

There was unmistakable happiness in his voice.

His joy made my heart happy.

"That's great, Eli! Oh, I'm so proud of you."

I brought his hand to my lips and kissed each of his fingertips.

"Yeah, it was hard at first, but it got easier. You've helped me so much Clare."

I sighed and looked up at him with a smile.

"It's the least I can do," I said sincerely.

He pulled me close and tenderly pressed his lips to mine.

Our lips moved gently with the kisses they were giving and receiving.

I felt his tongue on my lips and let it in eagerly.

It probed my mouth, and the feeling of him and me in this moment was pure perfection.

I wanted to tell him how I felt.

That I knew without a doubt that I was in love with him.

But something kept me from doing so.

There would be plenty of time for that, I told myself.

For now, I would enjoy the most perfect good night kiss imaginable.


	11. Chapter 11

_You all are fantastic! Thank you for your reviews, I'm so sorry I'm late in updating. You deserved a timely update. I had a bunch of shit to do this weekend. Damn school. I'll do my best to be timely from here on out, though! Leave me love!_

When I opened my eyes the next morning, there was a smile on my face.

The only thing on my mind was Eli.

He was completely consuming me.

I was in a trance of sorts, unable to believe that everything had happened in only three days.

It was simply too good to be true.

I got up to busy myself, feeling silly just lying in bed daydreaming of Eli.

Just as I was sorting the items of clothing and make up strewn about the living room-type space of the suite, the door opened.

Unexpectedly, a group of loud and excited girls all burst into the room.

I stood there stupidly, my mouth ajar.

"Who are you?" one of them asked in a snobby voice.

"Uh, Clare," I said dumbly, still trying to make sense of what was happening. "We-we're staying in this room. How did you get in?"

"Our key. We're staying in this room." She crossed her arms over her chest defensively.

This girl had bitch written all over her.

"Well, obviously, you aren't," I shot back.

"Clare, what are you doing up?" Alli asked sleepily, sitting up in bed. "And who are they?"

"They say they're staying in this room," I called back to her, and before I knew it she was at my side.

"We should just get this figured out at the desk," I said calmly, not wanting things to get out of hand.

"There's nothing to be settled. We're staying here, and they aren't. End of story," Alli snapped.

"I'll go down to the desk with them. No need to get over excited about it."

I put my hand on her arm, attempting to calm her as she quickly became furious.

The other girls looked as if they wanted to fight as well, but followed me back out of the room and down the elevator to the desk.

We got everything figured out, the hotel's mistake earning us an extra room, compliments of the Palms, and the other party a presidential suite, of course.

On my way back to the elevator, I subconsciously looked towards the casino and was shocked to see none other than Eli Goldsworthy still working his table.

"Eli!" I called, nearing him.

His table had just cleared, and he looked up at me with a sleepy grin on his face.

"Couldn't stay away, Edwards?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Why are you still here? It's almost eleven, you've been working since, what, six last night?"

He just nodded, "Well, eight, but yes."

"Eli, that's fifteen hours straight! Are you insane?"

"You're adorable when you're angry," he said with a smirk.

A faint smile found my lips, but I was still furious.

"Why in the world would they make you work so much?"

"Well I asked for the hours," he started. Before I could interrupt, he continued, "Because I needed to make up for my shift this Friday. I asked off."

"Well why did you ask off?" I asked, my lips pouting instinctively.

It made me surprisingly sad to think I wouldn't see him that night.

"Well, I was sort of wondering…" he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, hesitating before he continued. "I was hoping you might want to do something together? We haven't really been able to spend any time during the daylight hours together. It's all been here, or at my place. I just thought…"

"Like a date?" I asked, a small smile appearing on my lips.

"Y-yeah," he muttered, looking down shyly, as if he didn't want to know my answer.

"Of course, Eli. That sounds wonderful."

His head shot up as I answered, an uncontrollable grin spreading across his lips.

The smile was so sincere it made one of my own appear.

I loved seeing him so happy.

We bid each other goodbye and made plans for me to come over later and help finish his cleaning, after he slept and worked his next shift.

"Bye, Eli," I said before leaning in to peck his cheek.

He turned his face to mine at the last moment, catching my lips with his.

"Bye, Clare," he breathed, his lips brushing mine once more.

I was in a daze the whole trip back to the room.

…

I loved Clare, that much I knew.

I quickly realized I never stopped loving her.

Not for one minute.

But something was holding me back.

I just knew it was all too good to be true.

Every time things were going well for me, things found their way of going to shit.

As I stood there, rested and back at work, I waited anxiously for Clare to arrive and for us to go back to my place.

I needed her desperately.

I needed to hold her tightly and to never let her go.

I needed everything to work out, for nothing to go wrong.

If things were to go badly, I don't know if I'd be able to survive.

I was hanging on by a thread as it was.

Clare pulled me back from the depths of myself, and I would do everything within my power to stay at the better place I was now at.

And to stay there with her.

By the time one o'clock rolled around, I heard the familiar voices sounding from the lobby.

Alli was the first to enter, the goofy smile spread across her face one of slight intoxication.

Most of the other girls had similar expressions on their faces, all of them but Clare.

She was calm and composed, but a mischievous gleam was playing in her eyes.

She was beautiful, I couldn't help but notice.

Her just short enough dress was a deep purple, her heels simple and black.

The pale skin of her legs looked so smooth that I wanted to kiss every inch of them.

Just as my eyes left her cleavage and met her eyes, she was staring back at me and laughing softly.

I just smirked, willing her to come to me.

At first, she walked away leaving me wanting.

I would catch a glimpse of her every so often, but she never looked back at me.

Finally after half an hour of waiting, she walked over to my table and took a seat directly in front of me.

But rather than greeting me with a hello, she joined in on the game by betting one hundred dollars.

I raised my brows, but followed suit in not greeting her and dealt her in.

When it was her turn, she looked up at me with the mischievous gleam from before.

"Hit me," she breathed, biting her lip softly as she glanced down at her cards.

Her seven and three were met with a king.

She looked right back up to me and murmured once more, "Hit me."

My breath caught in my throat and I dealt her another card, knowing she would go over.

But sure enough, the card I turned over was an ace.

"Twenty-one!" one of the players called, pulling me from her intoxicating gaze.

I looked down and my eyes went wide.

She smirked, and I slid her her bet as well as another hundred to match.

She stood before I could deal her back in, smiling slyly.

"I don't like to push my luck," she said softly, and before I knew it she was gone.

When she found her way back at two in the morning, right at the end of my shift, she was looking a bit tipsy.

I smiled at the look and shook my head, walking out from behind my table as my replacement came.

"You're quite the mystery tonight, Edwards," I mused, shaking my head.

She laughed softly, sliding her arm around my waist and leaning into me as we walked.

"How'd you escape the evil clutches of Alli Bhandari? I'm sure she wouldn't approve of your going out with me."

"Turner after this week," she said pointedly before adding, "Oh, and I told her I'd be up later. I told her there was a certain blackjack dealer I had my eye on…"

When I smiled smugly, she interrupted my thoughts.

"Yeah, she agreed that Jack's manly build is just to dye for."

I opened my mouth to speak, but soon closed it.

I looked at her in confusion and she giggled at my expression.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'd take your scruffiness any day."

She reached up and ruffled my shoulder-length messy hair, then let her hand slide down my stubbly jaw line.

I had been meaning to groom myself a little better for her, but hadn't gotten around to it yet.

I smiled against her hand and she giggled again.

When we were back at my apartment, I led her into the living room, but before we could get started she pulled me to the couch and her lips found mine before I got a chance to breath.

She moved fiercely against me, not wasting any time.

I matched the intensity, surrendering myself to her kisses.

The passion exchanged between us was so intoxicating, I just couldn't get enough.

Her hand travelled from my hair, where it had been tangled, to my neck, then down my chest slowly.

She stopped at my pants before mumbling against my lips.

"Bedroom?"

I just stood and pulled her along behind me as we made our way into my spotless bedroom.

She gasped upon entering, a smile on her lips as I looked back to her.

"Eli," she breathed, slowly walking to me and resting her hand on my chest as she looked up to me.

I placed my hand on her back and held her close.

As our eyes met, my hand found the zipper of her dress and I slowly pulled it down.

Her dress fell to the ground when she stepped a few inches back from me.

Before I could pull her back to me, Her hands were working the buttons of my shirt.

She left it unbuttoned as well as my tie undone as she moved to the button and zipper of my pants.

They fell to the floor to join her dress, as well as my shirt, and we found my bed clad in only our underwear.

Her body moved against mine with the fire of want and desire.

I had just as much passion in me as she was displaying, but I slowed her down by kissing her slowly.

My mouth probed hers gently as her body came to rest below mine.

I reached around to unhook her bra and pulled it off, pressing my bare chest to hers and moaning at the feeling.

She slid her fingers into my boxers and stroked me before pulling them off completely.

I pulled her panties off to join the pile of clothes at the foot of my bed.

I lowered myself to her, kneeling between her legs, my lips never leaving hers.

I loved this girl with everything in me.

"Eli," she whimpered, bringing her hips to mine and rubbing herself against me.

I groaned, finally pushing myself inside of her.

I moved slowly in and out, even when she bucked her hips willing me to speed up.

As I pushed myself into her, I forced myself as deep as possible.

She started to moan and whimper, earning a few pleasure filled moans from me as well.

I continued my slow and deep pace, savoring the feeling and loving every minute of it.

My lips searched her body, from her lips to her cheek to her sweet smelling neck.

I kissed slowly down her neck to her collarbone, then to her breast.

My tongue teased her as I continued my steady movements inside of her.

She murmured my name, her voice laced with pleasure.

"Clare," I mumbled against her skin. "Say my name again."

As if I weren't feeling good enough, when I heard her call out to me in that voice it sent me over the edge.

She moaned my name again, and I picked up speed.

"E-Eli!" she gasped as I moved even harder inside of her.

"Oh, Clare," I whispered, my lips finding her neck again.

She continued to moan and yell my name, and I felt myself quickly arriving at my breaking point.

The noises spilling from her lips let me know she was almost there too.

I let myself loose, moving in and out of her with everything I had.

She tightened around me and moaned loudly as she rode out her orgasm, just as I too let myself go.

When we both had finished and were left panting in unison, I collapsed to the bed beside her and quickly pulled her to me.

We were silent as we lay together for a few comfortable minutes.

She looked up at me, holding my face in her hands and bringing her lips to mine.

I smiled against her lips as I returned the kiss.

"Did you like that?" I asked softly, pushing back a strand of her hair.

"Of course," she murmured as she buried her face in my neck.

I hoped she would like my change of pace.

I really wanted to enjoy every bit of her tonight.

I didn't want to have just another romp with her, I wanted to make love.

And every emotion in the air between us was filled with love, although it was unspoken.

A few minutes later she looked up at me with a smile.

"Want to get to cleaning?" she asked sweetly.

"Sure," I answered with a smile of my own.

I stood up and pulled on my boxers, and grabbed a shirt for her to wear.

"As sexy as you may look in that dress, it can't be too comfortable," I said with a smirk.

She pulled on my shirt and I couldn't help but notice how good she looked in it.

We walked into the living room and started in on opposite sides of the small room.

Things were lighthearted and calm at first.

We discussed the items strewn about, and I decided what was to keep and what was to throw away.

Every so often we met in the middle for a lingering kiss.

It was perfect.

"Uh, Eli?" Clare asked in a shaky voice after a particularly long silence.

"Yeah, baby?" I asked, looking through a book I'd found.

"W-what's this?"

Her voice was nervous, and I looked up to see what was wrong.

And that was when I knew; everything was about to go to shit.

Just as I'd suspected.

In her hand was a lacy red bra that was quite obviously not hers.

"Eli? What the hell is this?" she repeated when I just stared blankly.

"It's… It's, uh…"

"Eli, what the fuck is this!" she yelled, throwing it at me.

"Clare, it was before you. I didn't even know it was in here, it must have been from a while ago," I spoke quickly and nervously.

"It 'must have been'? You don't know?" she asked, her voice shaking in a heartbreaking mixture of sadness and anger.

"I-I… Clare…"

"Who was she? Was she important to you? Obviously important enough to keep _that_ around…"

"I…I don't…" I couldn't finish the sentence, my eyes unable to meet hers anymore.

"You don't know, do you?" she asked, and I could hear the crying in her voice. "You don't fucking know."

"Clare, before you came I was-"

"You were sad, I get that, Eli. I can understand your periodic drinking. And even though it's wrong, I guess the weed is kind of understandable too. But sleeping with random _sluts_, that's not you. At least it's not the Eli that I knew. I can't believe you didn't tell me," she whispered, and looking up at her I saw tears streaming from her eyes. "Is there anything else you need to tell me?"

It was now or never, I knew it.

Things were already fucked up beyond repair, might as well get it all out there.

"Well, you should know that the 'periodic drinking' was more like daily drinking. And weed may not have been the only drug I dabbled in, but it was the only one I used regularly. I can't explain the… promiscuity…" I closed my eyes tight, not believing how quickly everything had taken a turn for the worst, "but I can tell you that I'm sorry. I'm sorry about all of it and I wish so badly I could take it back."

"Well, you can't," she said bitterly.

She disappeared into my room, slamming the door behind her.

I collapsed to the couch, holding my head as tears ran freely from my eyes.

When she finally emerged, she was dressed in her clothes once more and was hurriedly walking towards the front door.

"Clare, where are you going?" I called, my voice breaking as I tried and failed to wipe the tears from my eyes.

"Back to the hotel. Away from you."

Her voice broke and shook, her eyes never meeting mine.

"You can't go out there on your own…"

"I called a cab. Just, do me a favor and don't talk to me anymore. I can't handle you. Not now and not ever. Don't try to talk to me, don't try to find me. Stay out of my life."

"But Clare-" I started in a desperate voice as I cried freely, but she cut me off.

"Just stop it!" she yelled, opening the door and stepping outside.

I heard her sobbing for five minutes after she slammed the door behind her, until I heard the cab pull up and then she was gone.

…

_Damn, that was hard to write. Sorry to end your wait with that… but don't lose hope! Let me know what you thought?_


	12. Chapter 12

_I know, I know. I'm horrible and sadistic and made a good lot of you sad with that one. And, heads up, this one isn't much better. It is a little better, though. Just don't hate me, it will get better if you keep reading/reviewing! This story will probably end up being done in just a few more chapters… )': Just hang in there, and even if it makes you sad right now, review and let me know! Keep your chins up!_

By the time I got back to the hotel I was so miserable I wanted to die.

My mind was swimming with so many questions, none of which I thought I would ever get the answer to.

The biggest question of all, the one that pressed the most in my mind, was why he didn't tell me all of the horrible things I'd just found out in the first place?

Sure, he _said_ all of those things were in the past.

But if they were really behind him, why hadn't he told me everything from the start?

Why not just get it all out in the open?

It wasn't everything he'd done that made me so upset.

Sure I didn't approve, I didn't approve at all.

But people do stupid stuff sometimes, it's understandable.

It's just… why hadn't he told me?

My trust in him was completely diminished.

My trust in people in general was gone too.

If I couldn't trust the one I loved, or thought I loved, the most, who the hell else was even safe anymore?

All I knew for sure was that I was glad I never told him how I thought I felt about him.

I wanted him to think I hated him.

I was irrational; I know I was overreacting.

But I didn't care, not at all.

…

My night was hell on earth after she left.

I didn't sleep.

When the sun came up, I was still sitting on my couch.

I didn't eat anything the following day.

It took everything in me to get up and get ready for another night of work.

Through my entire shift I didn't catch a single glimpse of her.

I wanted to die.

Without Clare Edwards, I was nothing.

I was lost.

Completely hopeless.

…

Our day was a full one.

It was good, I told myself, it was keeping me distracted.

But it wasn't.

Eli was running through my mind, constantly flooding my thoughts.

I wanted everything to be okay, I really did.

But I didn't want to break.

Damn me and my stubbornness.

We went to two shows, finally free for a night of partying by ten.

We went from club to club, bar to bar, and I was openly accepting the alcohol constantly offered to me.

I was drunk out of my mind, and by the time we got back to the hotel, I was a wreck.

I held it in as we made our way to the room, but once inside I got my phone and went to the complimentary room a few floors down.

None of us stayed in it because it was so far away and we all wanted to be close.

As soon as I was safely inside, I pulled out my phone and dialed the man I most needed to talk to.

"Clare?" his voice was sweet and held a tinge of concern.

I couldn't hold it in anymore.

I burst into tears, audibly sobbing into the phone.

"A-Adam," I cried, hiccupping and panting for breath between tears.

"Clare what's wrong?" he asked urgently, "Are you okay?"

"N-no. He… h-he's here!"

"Who's there, sweetie? Talk to me… uh… try to take deep breaths."

I hadn't told Adam about Eli, partially because I was so consumed with spending time with him that I hadn't contacted hardly anyone.

But it was also because when he left, Eli had hurt Adam too.

I didn't want to make him upset.

But I also knew he was the only one who could make me feel better.

"Eli," I whimpered, before a few more sobs escaped me.

"No shit. Are you kidding me? How… why… Did he find you or something?"

"N-no, he… he didn't even know I was here. He's living h-here now… He works in a casino… the casino in the hotel where we-we're staying."

"Oh, Clare, I'm so sorry. Did you just see him tonight?" Adam's voice was filled with concern, and it held a certain dark tone to it.

"No. Hell no I didn't see him tonight. I was avoiding that jerk," I pouted.

"So you saw him before today? Clare, what's been happening this week?"

I took a few breaths and once I was considerably stable, I told him of how we'd met the first night.

I told him how I hadn't wanted anything to do with him, and had left with the girls.

I also told him about getting drunk and proceeding to have sex with him that very night.

Before he could say anything I continued to tell him about what had happened.

How the next day I had gone back to talk to him, and how we had gone back to his place.

I told him about Eli's relapse into hoarding again.

I told him about how I helped him clean and about talking with him for hours on end and about him opening up about when his parents died.

I also told him that we had sex again.

I told him how I had completely fallen for him all over again.

And then, my voice shaking, I told him about last night.

About going back to help him clean.

About how we had sex yet again.

And about how I found out all of Eli's secrets in the worst possible way.

"I'm such a wreck," I moaned into the phone, sobbing once more.

"Clare, I'm so sorry," Adam said sadly. "That must be fucking hell for you."

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me.

"I don't know what to do," I murmured, lying back on the bed and closing my eyes tight.

"What do you want to do?" he challenged.

"I want last night to have never happened. I want… I want him. Fuck, how does he do this to me? It's like I need him. I can't function without him. I can pretend to but really, I'm never fully okay without him. Adam… I still love him."

I wasn't ashamed to admit this to him, even though I didn't want to admit it to myself.

"Well, I agree the guy is a dick for what he did. But it sounds to me, from what you were saying, that he really does care about you. And he really was making an effort for you… Clare, I know this isn't what you want to hear, that you want some elaborate explanation… but I really don't think he was being malicious by not being honest with you. He was probably scared shitless of losing you again. Even back when you were together he would go to great lengths not to upset you. It… it was like you were fragile to him. Really, Clare, I think you should meet up with him tomorrow. You should give him a chance to explain. If you don't like what you hear, you can leave at any time, but just try. And if you need me, I'm just a phone call away."

I was breathless.

Adam was such a genuinely good person.

He really cared about people.

"How are you so selfless?" I asked softly, "I mean, here this guy, your best friend for Christ's sake, just leaves without an explanation. And here, five years later, you're telling me to give him a chance. You amaze me, Adam."

"I may have not seen the kid for five years, but he was like my brother. You don't just forget your brother if you don't see him for a while."

"I admire your strength," I murmured, curled into a ball on the bed.

"Don't. You're strong too, Clare. I just know you'll regret it if you never look back."

"Okay," I agreed, "I'll give him a chance."

"Good," he said softly, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

"So, how's Fiona? And how's little Hugo?"

Adam had gotten the gender reassignment surgeries necessary a few years back.

He and Fiona were still together, not married but as in love as ever.

And leave it to them to go on a getaway to France and to come back with an adopted baby.

I loved being "Aunt Clare" to the infant.

The relationship that the two shared, and the family they were quickly forming, made me jealous.

I wanted a future just as happy.

"They're great," he replied quickly, the smile in his voice even more obvious. "Fi's such a good mom. And Hugo's finally sleeping through the night. I love that little guy."

I laughed softly, "I love him too. I miss all of you so much."

"We miss you too. You have to come over as soon as you get back."

I promised I would and bid him a goodnight.

I rested in the bed for a while longer, finally deciding I would go to Eli's tomorrow and hear him out.

I told myself I was confident with my decision as I made my way back up to the suite, but I wasn't convinced.

_It didn't turn out how I saw it in my mind, but I like it. Gotta love those cameos by the wonderful Adam! Let me know what you think!_


	13. Chapter 13

_This is the second to last chapter, sadly. It would have been the last, but I'm milking this shit for all it's worth. I don't want it to end! The last chapter won't come tomorrow, unfortunately, but it should be up Friday or Saturday so keep a look out! Now, you know the drill, let me know what you think lovelies!_

Friday morning, I woke up early.

It was the day I had requested off to be with Clare.

The day I had planned to sweep her off of her feet, once and for all.

The day I planned to tell her how much I loved her, how much I'd always loved her.

I felt like I was going to be sick.

In complete despair, I curled back up under the covers and willed the world to go away.

But, the world is a cruel place and it refused to leave me in peace.

All I wanted was for Clare to talk to me.

To let me explain.

I wanted her to know that it was only because I loved her so much that I hadn't told her all of those things from the start.

I didn't want her to be disappointed in me; I didn't want her to leave me.

But fate still had a way of making that happen.

I wanted to tell her how sorry I was, and most of all I wanted to tell her how much I loved her.

After pacing through my small apartment for nearly an hour, I swallowed my pride and walked down to Morty.

Without a second thought, I was on my way to the hotel.

Once I was there, I paced the lobby, waiting and hoping that the girls would pass through soon.

When no one from the group showed up, I got on an elevator and searched from her floor.

I groaned when I realized you needed a room key to access the suite floors.

I exited the elevator and continued to wait.

I waited on a couch in the lobby for nearly two hours, my heart beating frantically the whole time.

Finally, as I was lying back on the couch with a magazine covering my face, I heard a shrill laugh that I would recognize anywhere.

I sat up quickly to see Alli chatting animatedly to the group, all of them enthralled.

Well, almost all of them.

Clare lagged behind, looking very distracted and distraught.

She was a dream, wearing a simple white dress.

She wore no make up and her hair held its natural curl, the look I loved best on her.

She looked like an angel.

A perfectly broken angel.

I stood but couldn't bring myself to move my feet.

My hands were shaking, and I was breathing fast.

I was terrified of being rejected.

I couldn't handle it.

A certain feeling of hopelessness surged through my body.

Our eyes suddenly locked, and every muscle in my body went tense.

She caught up with Alli, and the girls began to argue in hushed tones.

The quarrel was resolved when Alli rolled her eyes and walked with Clare as they approached me.

"This idiot," Alli started, sending a hard look to Clare, "wants to spend the day with you. If you hurt her in the slightest I swear to God I'll kill you myself."

Eyes wide, all I could do was nod.

"Clare-bear," she said, suddenly gentle as she looked at Clare once more, "You can meet up with us anytime you want. And check in every so often, okay?"

"Okay," Clare murmured before struggling to look at me.

I offered a grateful smile, which she weakly returned.

Once Alli and the rest of the girls were gone, Clare sat down on the couch.

I sat beside her, letting her speak first.

"First, I never said I wanted to spend the _whole_ day with you. I just figured I'd… give you a chance."

"That's… that's great of you, Clare," I said softly, reaching for her hand but quickly pulling back, not wanting to be too forward.

"Actually, you have Adam to thank. I wasn't going to, but… Well he talked me into it."

"Thanks, Adam," I murmured, suddenly feeling guilty.

"You know he can't hear you… You should try calling him sometime," she said, and my guilt became heavier.

"I know," I mumbled, "But he probably hates me by now. I was such a dick."

"He doesn't hate you. Yeah, you hurt him, but he still sees you as his best friend. Like his brother. As long as you're open with him from the start," she paused, sighing heavily, "I think you guys could work something out. He's doing really great nowadays…"

I was glad Adam was doing well, the kid deserved life to go his way.

But I was quickly feeling worse and worse about how I'd treated him, how I'd treated everyone.

Also, I couldn't help but notice that Clare was hinting at more than how I'd treated Adam in her advice.

It was time to explain.

"Clare, I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you. I know I was stupid, and you didn't deserve to find out about me in that way. But you need to know that I only had good intentions in not telling you."

I rubbed my temples, sighing heavily before bringing myself to continue.

"I know it's stupid, but I didn't tell you because… Because I love you. I've always fucking loved you Clare. More than life. I just… You were suddenly back in my life and it was perfect. I didn't want to do anything to mess that up, and I was sure you'd leave if you knew how far out of control I'd gotten."

"Eli," she suddenly murmured, reaching out to hold my shaking hands.

My hands grasped hers desperately.

I looked at her, scared.

"I wouldn't have left. The fact that you got in too deep with alcohol, messed around with drugs, and slept with…" her breath hitched and I couldn't look into her horribly pained eyes as she struggled to continue, "… however many girls it was that you slept with… Well that doesn't really bother me. It's…understandable. You not telling me is what upset me so much. It just made me think… well, what if those days aren't behind you?"

"Well, Clare, up until less than a week ago, they weren't," I said grimly, my eyes still trained to the ground. "But… but being with you again, it was like being reborn. Nothing else mattered. I didn't need any of that shit to function. I needed, and I still need, you to function. I can't fucking survive without you. I just… can't."

My eyes were closed tight.

Suddenly, I felt one of her hands leave mine and meet my chin.

She lifted my face, and slowly I opened my eyes.

"Eli, I'm sorry for how I acted the other night. But it's understandable, isn't it?"

"Of course it is. I just wish that what I did was understandable too."

"It is," she said, nodding her head for emphasis, "It completely is. I just… I really needed your explanation. So, thank you for that."

Her voice was soft and gentle.

And I could have sworn there was the faintest of smiles on her lips.

"Don't thank me. You deserved to hear that a lot sooner. I really do love you, Clare."

Our eyes locked for the next few moments, blue on green, fiercely probing.

She leaned in and placed her lips to my cheek for a light kiss and wrapped her arms around me.

This was home to me.

There was nowhere I'd rather be than with the girl before me.

My arms soon found their way around her as well, and we held each other in a comfortable silence.

When we finally untangled ourselves from each other, we remained silent.

Even though things seemed settled between us, I couldn't help but feel anxious that she would want to leave and meet up with Alli.

She didn't say anything in the following minutes so unable to take it any longer I spoke up.

"So… Are you going to head out now, or…?"

"Only if you're coming with me," she said with a small smirk.

"Really?" I asked a little too quickly.

"Of course. I'd love to see what you have planned for us."

I smiled.

I didn't smirk, I smiled.

It was one of the most sincere I'd ever given.

This girl amazed me. Here she was, giving me yet another chance.

I wouldn't let her down this time.

I stood quickly and extended my hand, which she took eagerly as she too rose to her feet.

We walked out of the casino and through the parking garage, arriving at Morty minutes later.

Once we were inside the car, I hesitated before turning the ignition.

"What do you want to do? I mean, I'm sure you've done all there is to do in town with the girls this week. I don't want to just drag you around and bore you."

She smiled and gave my arm a squeeze with her small hand.

"But I haven't done them with you. The day is still young. Do you want to go to a show?" she suggested, looking at me for approval.

"I would have thought that you've been to millions of shows at this point."

She nodded, but then just shrugged, "But not with you."

"Well that sounds great, then," I agreed, guiding my hearse out of the garage and down the strip.

We studied signs for different shows, and as I'd assumed she had seen quite a few throughout the week.

Finally, we noticed one for Cirque de Soleil and I saw her face light up.

"Jackpot," I murmured as I pulled up to the building.

She grinned and when we met at the front of Morty, she took my hand and led me inside.

After the show, I could tell she was really enjoying herself.

We decided to walk the strip, stopping into occasional stores and casinos.

Once night fell on the city, it came alive.

It felt so good to enjoy the world around me with the girl I loved.

I couldn't wait for what the night would bring.

We had dinner at the Hard Rock Café, to which Clare commented "same old Eli."

It was wonderful, spending time with her, talking, laughing.

It was just like old times.

This week had shown that no matter how bad things were, once they got worked out we could fall right back to where we left off.

Things were so… comfortable now.

I didn't feel like I was going to suffocate.

In fact, I felt more alive than ever.

"So where to now?" Clare asked with a dazed grin on her lips, swinging our hands back and forth between us.

"Well… the night is definitely here. Want to get a drink?"

She agreed, and we found the nearest bar.

One drink turned into two, which turned into three and soon after four.

Before we realized it we were both intoxicated, both with the alcohol and with each other.

"Only you, Eli," Clare giggled after I told a story of hitchhiking for help when Morty had broken down a few years back, and getting picked up by a crazy truck driver transporting horses.

"I do tend to get myself into… compromising situations."

She giggled softly once more and took my hand in hers.

Our eyes met and, without a second thought, I brought my lips to hers in a deep kiss.

When she hesitated before kissing me back, I pulled away and frowned.

"I-I'm sorry. I just… I don't know what got into me. I shouldn't have-"

Her finger resting over my lips silenced me.

"Come with me," she whispered, standing and pulling me along with her.

We walked back down the strip until we arrived at the building where we had seen the show.

She brought me into the parking garage and to Morty.

"Open it," she commanded, motioning to the back door.

I obliged and opened the door, then looked at her for further direction.

She pressed her body against mine and leaned up to place a kiss to my lips.

Leaving me wanting more, she pulled back and crawled into the hearse.

I followed.

The moment the door closed behind me, Clare was on me.

Within seconds she had me pinned to the floor of the hearse, her legs straddling me and her hands firmly holding down my shoulders.

I looked up at her, amazed.

She looked back down at me, a mysterious, mischievous smirk upon her lips.

She leaned down, capturing my lips with hers.

Our lips moved together in perfect unison, a desperate energy surging between them.

As my hands slid up her bare legs to rest on her ass, she was already grasping at the fabric of my shirt.

She hurriedly pulled at my blazer, letting me sit up for her to remove it as well as my t-shirt.

Her nails scratched down the length of my torso, lingering as they went lower and lower.

It drove me crazy.

I murmured her name, my hands now searching every inch of her.

"Mmm," she breathed, grinding her hips hard against mine.

I gasped at the unexpected movement, friction building.

I reached up and slowly undid her zipper.

Once her bare side was exposed, I pulled the dress over her head.

To my surprise, she hadn't worn a bra.

"You little devil," I muttered, smirking up at her.

She bit her lip shyly, her cheeks flushing a light shade of pink.

After lowering her body to mine, she pressed her bare chest to mine and buried her face in my neck as she kissed me fiercely there.

Her tongue and teeth aided as she trailed from the crook of my neck to just below my ear.

I felt her hot breath in my ear and I couldn't take the teasing anymore.

I wrapped my arms around her and turned us around.

Now on top of her, I took charge.

I caught her lips with mine in a kiss, and I kept control of the kiss, making sure to keep it hot and heavy.

I smirked as I heard a moan in the back of her throat.

A moan of my own soon escaped when I felt her hands on me, through my constantly tightening pants.

She slowly unbuttoned them, and then unzipped them.

It seemed like ages had passed by the time she pulled them down and off of me.

Once we were both left in only our underwear, we pulled back to look at each other.

"Clare… I don't want us to just fuck," I murmured, my hand resting on her cheek and my eyes searching hers.

She smiled softly at me.

"Then make love to me, Eli."

I kissed her forehead gently before reaching down and peeling off her panties.

She too reached down, slowly sliding my boxers down.

As I rubbed myself against her, she breathed a little harder than before.

After a few more moments of teasing, I gently pushed myself inside of her.

We both gasped upon the contact.

She instinctively wrapped her legs around my waist, her hips meeting mine as we both thrust into one another.

We were moving in perfect harmony.

We were one.

Our movements became faster as my lips found her cheek and planted kisses all along it.

I eventually came to her lips and kissed them with urgency.

She nipped at my bottom lip, causing me to growl with desire.

Our pace quickened even more.

We were soon moving so frantically I couldn't even focus on moving my lips with hers.

Cheek to cheek, her sexy, desperate pants were hot against my skin.

It was enough to drive me crazy.

"E-Eli," she moaned, her voice shaking.

I bucked my hips hard before spreading her legs even farther apart, gaining access to penetrate her even deeper.

She moaned my name again, stringing it out.

I felt her tighten around me and noticed her fingers drop to her clit, ready to pleasure herself to finally fall over the edge.

However, I gently pushed her hand away and replaced it with my own.

I pleasured her simultaneously, moving myself inside of her and massaging her sensitive place.

She nearly screamed as she came violently under me, her entire body trembling.

Her cries of pleasure made me crazy, and I couldn't hold back anymore.

I let myself go, riding out my climax as she rode out hers.

Finally done and panting all the while, I relaxed to the floor beside her.

"I love you, Clare. You don't have to love me back, in fact I think you'd be crazy to, but I really think you should know."

"Eli?" she asked suddenly without so much as a brief silence.

"Hmm?" I murmured, my eyes closed.

"I… I love you too," she whispered timidly.

My eyes opened once more and studied hers.

"Y-you're sure?" I asked, disbelief apparent in my features.

"Positive. I've never stopped, not for a minute."

My heart leaped at her confession.

"I won't hurt you again, baby. I promise."

"I know you won't," she murmured, soon after connecting my lips to hers.

After lying there for another twenty minutes, we got dressed and got out of the car, making our way back out to the strip.

We ventured into a club, but after a few drinks weren't feeling the scene.

Soon after we found ourselves in a casino.

Working in one had done me well, and I was very lucky with all of the bets I'd placed.

As I continued to win, we continued to drink.

We left that casino and went to one a few buildings over, picking up the same routine.

Finally, we were back at the Palms.

We didn't want to gamble anymore, partially because I didn't want to see the sight of my work.

We were perfectly happy just drinking together and enjoying ourselves in our drunken bliss.

After that point, the whole night became a blur.

All I can recall are small bits of broken information.

Consuming drink after drink.

Hot, messy kisses.

And the faint, shiny surface of a diamond.


	14. Chapter 14

_Okay, I lied. I couldn't help myself from updating today! So for everyone who called it, this was my idea from the start. And the whole reason the story was set in Vegas in the first place. So way to be psychic you little devils (: It's been amazing and I'm really sad this is the last chapter. All of you who have stuck with it have been my inspiration, so thank you very much. So now that we've called this one a wrap… sequel? I have some ideas up my sleeve but unless I get feedback that you all want me to continue it will stay as is. So let me know what you think! Read and Review (:_

The next morning greeted me with a dull but throbbing headache.

I was groggy and I felt sick to my stomach.

I was hungover.

For fear of the light burning my eyes, I didn't want to open them.

Moving a bit in place, I realized that under the sheets that covered me I was naked.

I slid my hand over a bit and felt another body.

A body of a naked woman.

_Please let it be Clare, _please_ let it be Clare._

Of course I knew that I would never hurt her again, but I didn't remember much about the later parts of last night.

I slowly brought myself to open my eyes, my lips spreading to a smile and my heart calming to a normal pace when I saw that it was in fact Clare Edwards lying next to me.

I pushed a loose lock of hair back behind her ear and leaned down to kiss her cheek softly.

She stirred a little, but remained set in her sleep.

I took both of her hands in mine, bringing the small right hand in my left up to my lips.

I kissed each of her fingertips slowly, causing her to stir once more.

I now brought her left hand up to do the same.

I started with her thumb, then her index finger.

Just after moving past her middle finger, lips on her ring finger, I saw it.

It was a diamond ring, one that I hadn't noticed before.

I stared at it for a moment.

Surely we didn't…

My heart was about to beat right out of my chest.

If we had, what the hell would happen?

She would probably freak out, leave, and never talk to me again.

That would be just my luck.

Way to fucking go, Eli.

I groaned, sliding back under the covers and pulling them over my head.

As my mind continued to race about all of the possibilities of marriage, a new scenario popped into my head.

What if she was okay with it?

It was the craziest idea I thought I'd ever had.

But, if she were to be okay with it, I realized I'd be okay with it too.

Hell, I already was okay with it.

I knew then, as I'd known for the duration of our relationship, that I would never find anyone else I loved or wanted to spend forever with more than Clare.

Getting out from under the sheets, I looked at her peaceful sleeping face.

It was a face that I wouldn't mind waking up to every morning.

I loved this girl in front of me so fucking much.

And she had confessed to loving me too.

Sure the memory was a bit fuzzy, but I knew for sure.

I curled back up beside her and let my eyes fall closed.

I dreaded the moment she'd wake; not knowing what her reaction to be was killing me.

I soon felt her stir once more, only this time she continued to move.

My eyes opened and I met her smiling, sleepy face.

"Good morning," she murmured before looking around.

"I don't remember getting here," she said thoughtfully after a minute.

I looked around and realized I didn't recognize the room, but I was sure it wasn't the suite where they were staying.

"Where is here?" I asked after a moment.

"Oh, it's our other room, compliments of the hotel. There was some kind of mix-up."

I nodded before bringing myself to look back at her.

"I don't remember getting here either," I started, "and, in fact, I don't remember most of the end of last night. Do… do you?"

She shook her head and I became even more anxious, now dreading having to tell her.

"No, I don't. I have a killer hangover now, so I'm not surprised. Although…"

As her voice trailed off, I looked at her curiously, willing her to go on.

"Well, I had the weirdest dream ever, that's all. You'd probably think it was funny."

"Try me," I said slowly, my eyes momentarily falling to the ring on her finger that was still unbeknownst to her.

"We got married," she said finally. "We were really drunk and it was actually really humorous. The way we slurred our vows and stumbled down the aisle."

A giggle escaped her at my silence.

When I didn't say anything, though, she looked concerned.

"Eli, what's wrong?" she asked, placing her hand on mine.

Her hand that held all of the answers of last night.

"Clare," I murmured, turning my hand around to intertwine or fingers, "Clare, I don't think that was a dream."

I couldn't bring myself to look at her.

"What are you talking about? Of course it was a dream. You'd think that I would remember something like that."

"That's just it, you did remember it. It wasn't a dream," I repeated.

Slowly, hesitating before I did so, I squeezed her hand before lifting it to her eye level.

I heard a gasp, making it all that much harder to meet her gaze.

"E-Eli," she breathed, her eyes locked on the ring on her finger.

My heart was breaking more every second she held that shocked expression upon her face.

"I'm really sorry Clare, I mean, I didn't know about it either. I only just saw the ring this morning. I know you probably hate me and just want to end it and never see me again and I understand. I just want you to know I really do lo-"

"Eli," she said calmly, pressing a finger to my lips and silencing me like she had last night. "Stop rambling. What makes you think I'd never want to see you again? Do you not remember me telling you that I loved you last night? Because it was true."

She sighed, looking from me to her finger, and back to me once more.

"I really love you, so much. And compared to how you say you were before I came, I know you've changed tremendously in only a week. Just for me. And that makes me feel so… lucky. I still have the same old Eli. My Eli."

She called me hers.

She was sitting here before me confessing all of the things that had gone unsaid up until this point.

"Even when we were in high school, I often thought about what forever would be like with you. And now, I… I'd really like to find out. Why don't we give it a try? I mean, if you want to."

She laughed nervously, "Here I am spilling my heart to you and I don't even know what you think about all of this."

I brought my thumb to her now red stained cheek and smiled.

"Clare, I would be insane if I said I didn't want to try with you too. Ever since we've been together, you've been it for me. I can't imagine anyone I'd rather be with than you. I love you so much, Clare. So god damn much, I'd do anything for you. Anything to make you happy, and if this makes you happy, it's what we'll do. It sure as hell makes me happy."

I was smiling like a fool, still holding her hand and searching her eyes.

I saw that tears were forming in them.

When they fell, my face did the same.

"Oh, no," she whispered, reaching out and holding my face gently, "No, Eli. I'm not sad. I'm really, really happy. For the first time in a long time."

A smile came back to my lips and I wrapped my arms around her, holding her in a tight embrace for the moments that followed.

"I love you so fucking much, Clare Edwards," I murmured into her hair.

"Clare Goldsworthy, you mean?" she asked, a mischievous tone in her voice.

I chuckled, feeling a tear or two of my own form.

"God that sounds amazing," I said as I pulled back to look at her.

She looked so happy.

And I was the one that made her that way.

That was the best feeling in the world to me.

We knew that in a short amount of time we would have to face the world, but for now we stayed beneath the sheets, holding each other in a warm embrace.

Before we knew it, an hour had passed and Clare's phone buzzed, pulling us from our trance.

She moved to answer it, and groaned when she saw the screen.

"Alli," she grumbled, hesitating before answering.

"Hello?" she asked with a wince.

"Yeah… about that… well, yeah we're still together."

"No he didn't hurt me… he was perfect."

She smiled at me, and I smiled back.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Well… I hope so. I know that's what you think, but you don't kn-"

She rolled her eyes, obviously having been interrupted.

"No, you don't, Alli. And I know you want to protect me, but you're not my mom. I'm a big girl and I can make my own decisions."

"Thanks. Yeah, I'll see you soon. Love you too."

She hung up and sighed, tossing the phone back into her bag.

When she rejoined me, something looked like it was bothering her.

"Something she said?" I asked, my thumb gently tracing the lines of her frowning lips.

"It's just… what do we do from here? I mean, if you want to stay here, I just can't do that, Eli. I have to go back home, and I'd love it if you could come with me, but that would be asking a lot of you to just drop everything here and-"

"Clare, what in the hell is in store for me here? What would I be dropping to be with you back home? Of course I want to go back with you."

She smiled softly at my response and leaned forward to place a gentle kiss upon my lips.

"First kiss as a married couple," she said with a small, contented giggle.

"Well… First kiss we'll remember as a married couple," I corrected, earning more laughs from both of us.

After we'd calmed down, I wrapped my arm around her and leaned back against the headboard.

"Do you regret the way it happened? I mean, drunk in Vegas isn't exactly what every little girl dreams of."

"I think it's actually kind of perfect," she answered, making me raise a brow in suspicion.

"I mean, think about it. Would it have ever happened any other way? You'd have been to scared to have ever asked me, and I would have been too proud to ever bring it up to you. If it ever had happened, it would have been a lot further down the road. And, call me selfish, but I want you to myself now."

She had the cutest little smile on her lips as she curled up closer to me.

"Hell, you can be selfish with me anytime you want," I smirked down at her.

We sat there comfortable for the next few minutes, but when her phone started buzzing again we groaned and knew it was probably Alli demanding she come back now.

She slowly found her phone, but nearly grinned when she read it.

"Adam!" she said happily into the phone.

"Yeah, I did. Well, we actually… I'll just have to tell you when I get back."

As they continued talking, I really wanted to talk to my old friend.

Just as I heard Clare say she was going to get off the phone, I stopped her.

She raised a brow at me and waited for a moment.

"Does he want to talk to me?" I asked, nearly wincing as I said it.

She smiled gently at me, taking my hand with her free one.

"Adam, Eli's actually here right now. And he wants to talk to you…"

She smiled even bigger at his response.

"Okay here he is. Love you."

She handed me the phone and, heart beating fast, I murmured, "Hello?"

"Hey, E," I heard Adam from the other side.

His voice held the same character, but it was deeper.

I smiled and asked him how he was, how life was treating him.

"I'm doing pretty fucking great!" he said happily.

He told me about how he and Fiona were still going strong and had adopted a baby from France recently, Hugo.

"Sounds like life's treating you well, my friend," I said with a smile, glad that things had taken a turn for the better with him.

Clare, already dressed again, kissed me quickly and said she'd be back soon.

I continued to talk to Adam for the next hour.

I told him about how my life had gone to shit, about how Clare coming back had saved me from myself, how much I loved her still.

I also told him about how bad I felt that I hadn't spoken to him in the last five years.

He assured me that it was okay, but I protested that it wasn't.

He was my best friend, a brother to me, and I hadn't spoken a word to him.

That just wasn't right.

However, he told me that it was just fine.

We made plans to catch up in person when I got back home.

Going home.

It felt good.

"See you soon, man," I said with a smile before hanging up.

I looked around the room and started to get our stuff together.

I realized that I would have to pack my stuff if I were to go back with Clare.

She was leaving tomorrow.

I waited in the room for another half hour before Clare finally came back.

"Clare, I should probably get back now," I said after the string of kisses she had greeted me with. When she frowned, I quickly continued, "Well, if I'm going to be going back with you, I should get my shit together."

She grinned and pressed her lips to mine.

"Well I told Alli everything, and she was pissed I beat her to marriage," she said with a sly grin, "But she said as long as I'm happy, she approves." She rolled her eyes and mumbled, "Such a mother."

I laughed and held Clare close.

"So, Mrs. Goldsworthy," I smirked, earning a blush from her, "Care to help me pack?"

We had all of my belongings packed by the end of the night.

"Are you sure you have to leave now?" Clare moaned from where she lie the couch, which I was leaving behind.

"Yes, Clare. I want to get there when you do, and it takes a little more than a day to drive back. I'll be there at the airport to pick you up, though."

"Okay," she murmured, sitting up to face me.

I made my way over and kissed her passionately.

She moaned against my lips, causing me to smirk.

"Now I'll get you back so you can get your rest," I said gently after breaking the kiss.

She whimpered in protest, but stood to follow me.

Finally back at the Palms, she hesitated before getting out.

"I'll miss you," she murmured, leaning against me and kissing my neck with slow, lingering kisses.

"I'll miss you more," I breathed.

"See you tomorrow?" she asked softly, pulling back to look at me.

"Of course. I'll be there when you land."

"And then our life together officially starts," she said with a twinkle in her eye.

"I can't wait," I said with a smile.

We kissed one last long kiss before she got out of the car and I was on my way to Toronto.


End file.
